# "Squidges"



## ALAN TYLER

Just been reading a Sunday supplement recipe, it contained 6 squidges of tomato sauce and 2 squidges of honey. Heard of alll sorts of measurements but never a Squidge!!! Trendy chefs agh!!!


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## Robert Hilton

I used to be married to a lady who used such expressions. I told her I couldn't wait for her cookery book to be published. Sadly she never wrote one.

I think a squidge may be a squirt from a plastic squeezy bottle. Not as precise as a dollop.


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## ART6

Robert Hilton said:


> I used to be married to a lady who used such expressions. I told her I couldn't wait for her cookery book to be published. Sadly she never wrote one.
> 
> I think a squidge may be a squirt from a plastic squeezy bottle. Not as precise as a dollop.


Exactly my understanding. A "squidge" is a single squeeze from one of those plastic bottles that is designed to stand on its cap, and when squeezed discharges a squirt of ketchup or whatever. A "Dollop", however, is a discharge from an upright bottle or container that has to be shaken vigorously before anything will come out (a thixotrophic mixture). Such a container needs to then be inverted and thumped firmly upon its base, resulting in a "dollop" that may amount to anything from a small spot to half a litre.

For anyone with nothing better to do, it might be worth investigating European Union Directives, since in there somewhere there are certain to be Regulations defining what is a "Squidge" and a "Dollop" with repercussions for any member state that does not enable the Directive.

So there!


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## Robert Hilton

Excellent, ART 6. The dollop sometimes misfires as portrayed by the poet Maudleen O'Blibhionn as follows:

"Shake and shake the ketchup bottle.
"None will come and then a lot'll."


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## Satanic Mechanic

Posted this before - but it fits the bill - so one more time


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## Farmer John

Robert Hilton said:


> Excellent, ART 6. The dollop sometimes misfires as portrayed by the poet Maudleen O'Blibhionn as follows:
> 
> "Shake and shake the ketchup bottle.
> "None will come and then a lot'll."


Ogden Nash.


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## A.D.FROST

Its also a techical engineering term for applying Grease to a overhauled job to a cadet with hands the size of shovels.(?HUH)


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## ART6

DIRECTIVE NO. 2011/10087/EC

FLAVOURING ADDITIVES TO PRE-PREPARED FOODS
ENGLISH TRANSLATION SUMMARY 
(See practical advice for compliance clauses in red)

1.	This Directive applies to pre-prepared foods intended for human consumption (but not for animals – See Directive 2009/1235/EC)
Not all farm animals are fond of Heinz Tomato Ketchup
2.	The Directive does not consider the appropriateness of the additive to the quality of the pre-prepared food intended for human consumption. See exemptions on page No. 27,000.
It is recognised that some pre-prepared foods are inedible without additives, mostly those from fast food outlets.
3.	Some additives and pre-prepared foods are discouraged in view of their potential contribution to global climate change (EU Consultation paper upon baked beans etc.)
Others, including some strong curry sauces eaten after consumption of alcohol may contribute to urban pollution. 
3.	The Directive does not consider whether the pre-prepared food for human consumption is actually suitable for that purpose. However, reference should be made to (EC) No 1774/2002 (Animal By-Products Directive).
Anything that is offered wrapped in anything other than the European Journal should be avoided. In addition, animal products should be avoided in favour of broccoli after the consumption of alcohol. However, some fruits such as strawberries are biodegradable and taste as nice coming up as they do going down.

Definitions

1.	“Squidge”.
A term applied to the discharge of a plastic or other container of additives or enhancements to pre-prepared foods for human consumption where it is necessary to squeese (see definition of “Squeese” in page 20013 and EC/2002/1327/EC regulating the use of the term “Squeese”) the container in a vertical position with the discharge end pointed down.
Such containers should under no cir***stances be pointed upwards when squeezing as doing so could result in the discharge of the contents into the eyes. If that occurs medical advice should be sought immediately unless a ready supply of potato chips is available (see Directive EC/2001/1234)
2.	“Dollop”
A term applied to the discharge of a plastic or other container containing an additive of thixotropic nature, where the container has to be inverted, shaken, and struck vigorously by the heel of the hand to discharge its contents.
Users are warned that striking a container that has not been shaken beforehand might lead to the contents being discharged at an uncontrolled rate. This might result in the food product becoming overwhelmed by the additive, although it is recognised that this might actually enhance some fast food products.
3.	“Container”
An enclosed vessel that is biologically sealed upon purchase that may be made of plastic, glass, metal (but not Uranium or other potentially radioactive or carcinogenic material), goat skin, palm leaves or (in Scotland only) sheep's stomach or ox se*** provided that those have been prepared according to(EC) No 1774/2002 (Animal By-Products Directive). Such a “container” shall be made of a material of weight and capacity that permits its being lifted, squeezed, or shaken by persons of limited dexterity including the inability to recognise a container.	
The degree of pressure necessary for a squeeze should be judged before purchase to ensure that the user is capable of applying the necessary pressure. However, this should not be attempted with sheep’s stomachs or ox se***s when they are still part of the living animal as a violent reaction might occur. 

Regulations

1.	A “Squidge” shall consist of a food additive of not more than two cubic centimetres of additive per squeeze by a person of European Standard dexterity (see Directive 2009/100577/EC).	
A person of average dexterity is generally defined as one who (a) is able to close a forefinger and thumb together on either or both hands and (b) who recognises the need to do so, or (c) understands that upturning a vessel and striking it with the palm of the hand might result in the loss of the contents.
2.	A “Dollop” shall consist of a food additive of not less that two cubic centimetres and not more that one litre having been shaken by a person of European Standard dexterity (see 1. Above).
It should be noted that this Regulation does not define the capacity of the container from which the “dollop” is to be discharged. Consumers are warned that shaking and hitting a container of more than two litres might result in the release of more additive than expected. Containers with a weight greater than two kilogrammes should be avoided in public eating places as unwelcome distribution of the contents might occur.


Enacted under EU Directive 2011/10087/EC July 2011


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## chadburn

I alway's thought that the term squidge came from the Army when using the side lever grease gun which most of us bought Army Surplus after the War to use on track rod ends.


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## Pat Kennedy

_Squidgy_ was the pet name that Princess Diana's lover, James Gilbey called her.
I thought in that context it had some sexual connotation.
Also, I remember that some types of soft cannabis resin were called _squidge._
Pat


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## cueball44

I just asked my neighbour what a squidge was, and she said she thinks it has something to do with wet bowel gas. That threw me, i will have to have a dram.


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## kevjacko

ART6 said:


> DIRECTIVE NO. 2011/10087/EC
> 
> FLAVOURING ADDITIVES TO PRE-PREPARED FOODS
> ENGLISH TRANSLATION SUMMARY
> (See practical advice for compliance clauses in red)
> 
> 1.	This Directive applies to pre-prepared foods intended for human consumption (but not for animals – See Directive 2009/1235/EC)
> Not all farm animals are fond of Heinz Tomato Ketchup
> 2.	The Directive does not consider the appropriateness of the additive to the quality of the pre-prepared food intended for human consumption. See exemptions on page No. 27,000.
> It is recognised that some pre-prepared foods are inedible without additives, mostly those from fast food outlets.
> 3.	Some additives and pre-prepared foods are discouraged in view of their potential contribution to global climate change (EU Consultation paper upon baked beans etc.)
> Others, including some strong curry sauces eaten after consumption of alcohol may contribute to urban pollution.
> 3.	The Directive does not consider whether the pre-prepared food for human consumption is actually suitable for that purpose. However, reference should be made to (EC) No 1774/2002 (Animal By-Products Directive).
> Anything that is offered wrapped in anything other than the European Journal should be avoided. In addition, animal products should be avoided in favour of broccoli after the consumption of alcohol. However, some fruits such as strawberries are biodegradable and taste as nice coming up as they do going down.
> 
> Definitions
> 
> 1.	“Squidge”.
> A term applied to the discharge of a plastic or other container of additives or enhancements to pre-prepared foods for human consumption where it is necessary to squeese (see definition of “Squeese” in page 20013 and EC/2002/1327/EC regulating the use of the term “Squeese”) the container in a vertical position with the discharge end pointed down.
> Such containers should under no cir***stances be pointed upwards when squeezing as doing so could result in the discharge of the contents into the eyes. If that occurs medical advice should be sought immediately unless a ready supply of potato chips is available (see Directive EC/2001/1234)
> 2.	“Dollop”
> A term applied to the discharge of a plastic or other container containing an additive of thixotropic nature, where the container has to be inverted, shaken, and struck vigorously by the heel of the hand to discharge its contents.
> Users are warned that striking a container that has not been shaken beforehand might lead to the contents being discharged at an uncontrolled rate. This might result in the food product becoming overwhelmed by the additive, although it is recognised that this might actually enhance some fast food products.
> 3.	“Container”
> An enclosed vessel that is biologically sealed upon purchase that may be made of plastic, glass, metal (but not Uranium or other potentially radioactive or carcinogenic material), goat skin, palm leaves or (in Scotland only) sheep's stomach or ox se*** provided that those have been prepared according to(EC) No 1774/2002 (Animal By-Products Directive). Such a “container” shall be made of a material of weight and capacity that permits its being lifted, squeezed, or shaken by persons of limited dexterity including the inability to recognise a container.
> The degree of pressure necessary for a squeeze should be judged before purchase to ensure that the user is capable of applying the necessary pressure. However, this should not be attempted with sheep’s stomachs or ox se***s when they are still part of the living animal as a violent reaction might occur.
> 
> Regulations
> 
> 1.	A “Squidge” shall consist of a food additive of not more than two cubic centimetres of additive per squeeze by a person of European Standard dexterity (see Directive 2009/100577/EC).
> A person of average dexterity is generally defined as one who (a) is able to close a forefinger and thumb together on either or both hands and (b) who recognises the need to do so, or (c) understands that upturning a vessel and striking it with the palm of the hand might result in the loss of the contents.
> 2.	A “Dollop” shall consist of a food additive of not less that two cubic centimetres and not more that one litre having been shaken by a person of European Standard dexterity (see 1. Above).
> It should be noted that this Regulation does not define the capacity of the container from which the “dollop” is to be discharged. Consumers are warned that shaking and hitting a container of more than two litres might result in the release of more additive than expected. Containers with a weight greater than two kilogrammes should be avoided in public eating places as unwelcome distribution of the contents might occur.
> 
> 
> Enacted under EU Directive 2011/10087/EC July 2011


So what does that make a 'smidgeon'?(==D)(==D)(Applause)


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## Ian Harrod

kevjacko said:


> So what does that make a 'smidgeon'?(==D)(==D)(Applause)


0.58 metric dollops of course!


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## ART6

Ian Harrod said:


> 0.58 metric dollops of course!


I believe that there is also an EU Directive on this subject, although I haven't bothered to look it up. However, I seem to recall that it legislates in 756 pages that a "Smidgeon" is actually 0.576 dollops with a permitted tolerance of 0.001 dollops. I believe that the Directive also contains penalties if that tolerance is exceeded, including among those penalties one that requires that any product upon which the illegal "Smidgeon" has been applied shall be immersed in Heinz tomato ketchup for a period of not less than six months before testing by a national inspectorate in order to identify that which is not ketchup. McDonald's took a class action against that but it was rejected by the ECJ on the finding that such immersion would probably actually improve their products.

I think there is also a clause that states that the governments of member states will also be fined a maximum of €1,000,000 per week if more than two illegal "Smidgeons" are detected in that period by the EU Smidgeon Inspectorate. Oddly, the UK escapes this clause as the Directive only considers Euros, and the UK has this quaint habit of sticking to its own currency. Fines are only payable in Euros, and the UK government doesn't have any (or any Sterling for that matter).

Our colleagues in countries other than EU member states might wonder about this sort of legislation, but it is the price of peace in Europe. The idea is to so immerse Germany in regulations that no-one there will have time to invade France again, and the immediate benefits of this are obvious in that the UK has saved large sums of money by, for example, building aircraft carriers that don't have any aircraft and sending the Army off to remote parts of the world so that their UK bases can be closed.
(Whaaa)


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## Ian Harrod

ART6 said:


> I believe that there is also an EU Directive on this subject, although I haven't bothered to look it up. However, I seem to recall that it legislates in 756 pages that a "Smidgeon" is actually 0.576 dollops with a permitted tolerance of 0.001 dollops. I believe that the Directive also contains penalties if that tolerance is exceeded, including among those penalties one that requires that any product upon which the illegal "Smidgeon" has been applied shall be immersed in Heinz tomato ketchup for a period of not less than six months before testing by a national inspectorate in order to identify that which is not ketchup. McDonald's took a class action against that but it was rejected by the ECJ on the finding that such immersion would probably actually improve their products.
> 
> I think there is also a clause that states that the governments of member states will also be fined a maximum of €1,000,000 per week if more than two illegal "Smidgeons" are detected in that period by the EU Smidgeon Inspectorate. Oddly, the UK escapes this clause as the Directive only considers Euros, and the UK has this quaint habit of sticking to its own currency. Fines are only payable in Euros, and the UK government doesn't have any (or any Sterling for that matter).
> 
> Our colleagues in countries other than EU member states might wonder about this sort of legislation, but it is the price of peace in Europe. The idea is to so immerse Germany in regulations that no-one there will have time to invade France again, and the immediate benefits of this are obvious in that the UK has saved large sums of money by, for example, building aircraft carriers that don't have any aircraft and sending the Army off to remote parts of the world so that their UK bases can be closed.
> (Whaaa)


My 0.58 was in fact an approximation of a smidgeon, which quite correctly is 0.576 of a dollop. This is, in fact, when no inspectors are watching, almost a squirt. 

The correct definitition of a squirt was detailed on the Rosetta Stone but lost after it was dropped the second time. None of these measurements mention the SPLATT which closely imitates the effect of thumping the bottom of a 1/2 empty tomato sauce bottle in a crowded restaurant with a loose top.


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## ART6

Ian Harrod said:


> My 0.58 was in fact an approximation of a smidgeon, which quite correctly is 0.576 of a dollop. This is, in fact, when no inspectors are watching, almost a squirt.
> 
> The correct definitition of a squirt was detailed on the Rosetta Stone but lost after it was dropped the second time. None of these measurements mention the SPLATT which closely imitates the effect of thumping the bottom of a 1/2 empty tomato sauce bottle in a crowded restaurant with a loose top.


Isn't a "Splatt" covered by the Geneva Convention as a weapon of mass destruction?


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## Ian Harrod

ART6 said:


> Isn't a "Splatt" covered by the Geneva Convention as a weapon of mass destruction?


Mass decoration when done in a crowded restaurant!


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## ALAN TYLER

After all this interesting info, how hard do you have to squeeze to have an ideal "Squidge" without splattering it all over your plate?


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## ART6

ALAN TYLER said:


> After all this interesting info, how hard do you have to squeeze to have an ideal "Squidge" without splattering it all over your plate?


This seems to depend upon whether the bottle is one of those with a valve in the cap, intended to be stored upside down, and the ones with a simple screw cap. In the former, I find, it is impossible to obtain a "Squidge" as gradually increased pressure has no effect until the valve suddenly decides to open and inject a high-pressure "Dollop" on the plate any anything within ten feet. With the screw cap variety simply inverting and squeesing generally has no effect whatever until the bottle is shaken vigorously -- hence the saying "If you really shake the bottle, first none will come and then a lot'll."
(Thumb)


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## kevjacko

ART6 said:


> I believe that there is also an EU Directive on this subject, although I haven't bothered to look it up. However, I seem to recall that it legislates in 756 pages that a "Smidgeon" is actually 0.576 dollops with a permitted tolerance of 0.001 dollops. I believe that the Directive also contains penalties if that tolerance is exceeded, including among those penalties one that requires that any product upon which the illegal "Smidgeon" has been applied shall be immersed in Heinz tomato ketchup for a period of not less than six months before testing by a national inspectorate in order to identify that which is not ketchup. McDonald's took a class action against that but it was rejected by the ECJ on the finding that such immersion would probably actually improve their products.
> 
> I think there is also a clause that states that the governments of member states will also be fined a maximum of €1,000,000 per week if more than two illegal "Smidgeons" are detected in that period by the EU Smidgeon Inspectorate. Oddly, the UK escapes this clause as the Directive only considers Euros, and the UK has this quaint habit of sticking to its own currency. Fines are only payable in Euros, and the UK government doesn't have any (or any Sterling for that matter).
> 
> Our colleagues in countries other than EU member states might wonder about this sort of legislation, but it is the price of peace in Europe. The idea is to so immerse Germany in regulations that no-one there will have time to invade France again, and the immediate benefits of this are obvious in that the UK has saved large sums of money by, for example, building aircraft carriers that don't have any aircraft and sending the Army off to remote parts of the world so that their UK bases can be closed.
> (Whaaa)


That answered that one then.(Jester)

Your talents are obviously wasted on this site ART6 I propose you stand as an MEP at the next election on the grounds that it doesn't matter what you say or that it makes sense, as long as it's long winded, filled with inane facts, and bewildering. Yo'd walk in my friend.[=P]


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## Varley

ART6 said:


> I believe that there is also an EU Directive.. McDonald's took ... actually improve their products.


They rejected my suggestion too. It was to add rodent poison to the ingredients of the Greasy MacBreakfast. I claim this would have reduced the costs of their pest control efforts, by radically improving their efficiency and efficacy (no 'outside' labour required and every scrap would kill), whilst enhancing the product's flavour at the same time.


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## TonyAllen

My late wife used the smidge and tadge as her measure for certain cooking things and all were tasty


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## Ian Harrod

TonyAllen said:


> My late wife used the smidge and tadge as her measure for certain cooking things and all were tasty


A smidge is quite acceptable in the world of weights and measures but a tadge is generally considered quite poofy. It should be avoided by those cooking "normal" food but for those who specialize in sweet foods and desserts, "tadging" has become somewhat a way of life.


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## ART6

Varley said:


> They rejected my suggestion too. It was to add rodent poison to the ingredients of the Greasy MacBreakfast. I claim this would have reduced the costs of their pest control efforts, by radically improving their efficiency and efficacy (no 'outside' labour required and every scrap would kill), whilst enhancing the product's flavour at the same time.


Seems logical provided that Warfarin is used, since that would have the benefit of both killing rats and preventing the heart disease that the said products are accused of causing in humans. I really wish I had sailed with someone like you who had that innovative approach to catering! Then I would have been assured of my three score years and ten -- Oh wait, that was two years ago!


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## spongebob

pinches, touches, Dollops and splodges are common culinary measures here


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## Varley

ART6 said:


> Seems logical ... innovative approach to catering! Then I would have been assured of my three score years and ten -- Oh wait, that was two years ago!


Art, you'd use the 'risk analysis' approach to flag approval then? - a scheme for allowing smartypants ideas to get to sea before proof of reliability and absence of fatal flaws. I have always preferred the tried and tested route so would not adopt anyone's life style until they had a generation behind them (as I can't think of a way of accelerated life cycle testing in such a case - however much I try).

So, in the unlikely event that I am still able to post in 2021 (coherently and without detectable dribble) you would only then be free to use any of my damn fool ideas free of statistically significant risks. Until then I will use YOURS (well done).


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## ART6

Varley me old mate, I wouldn't rely too much on my ideas. They have all too often got me into trouble in years gone by. In fact, I find that the great benefit of retirement is that no-one takes any notice of me any more.(Thumb)


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## Farmer John

Can this be carried to other ideas of cooking? I cite my wifes "Beef with ginger", made with Pork and noodles. She says it is the same, and they are both good. Is ingrediential inexactitude something that can be codified? Oh, and they both are good, but if I want "beef with ginger", it best to cook it myself.


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## Farmer John

Oh, and of course, if we have pork with noodles, we get pork with noodles. It would be silly if we didn't.

It is kind of Zen, perhaps.


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## ninabaker

Gentlemen, this fascinating discussion merely scratches the surface of a collossal topic of specialisation in the matter of "comparative" units of measurement.

The New Scientist has featured these for many years in its penultimate page - "feedback". Commonplace examples:

Liquid volumes - Slurp, dollop, gulp, bucket, olympic swimming pool
Areas - matchbox, football field, Wales (but dont confuse with Whales)
Quantities - Number of hairs on a human head, number of atoms in the Sun, populations of various cities
Masses - elephants, whales, buses
Lengths - buses again, football pitches again, earth-moon/sun distances.

A standardised system has been proposed: "Can we agree that linear measurements use Earth-to-moons, area is in football fields, volume in swimming pools and mass in blue whales? "http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21228420.300-immeasurably-good.html


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## Varley

Only if we can agree on the number of Nelsonian Columns (Imp) per EarthtoMoons (we would also have to determine where in the astronomical cycle the ISO EarthtoMoon would be measured - there is a 50,000 KM variance).


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## spongebob

Quote "Liquid volumes - Slurp, dollop, gulp, bucket, olympic swimming pool"

I never liked a mass or volume, especially porridge, described as a 'plop'
That is what we used to call a fresh dropping from a dairy cow.

Bob


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## Varley

Not sure fresh and dropping go together either!


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## Cisco

dunno but a bonzer place to warm bare feet on a frosty morning.....


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## Varley

And now you've altered my conception of 'bonzer' too!


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## trotterdotpom

You must recall the old Bonzer Dog Doo Doo Band, Varley.

John T


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## Varley

John,

I recall many things (still!!). It doesn't mean that many are good for warming the feet (especially if you want someone to give them a little nibble 'when the children have gone up', as they say).


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