# Marriage Telegram



## Doxfordman (Mar 29, 2005)

I need some help. A very good friend of mine is getting married very soon and I need to send a message. I can recall part of a message that used to be sent to lads getting married from ships. Part of it was "in the lea of bum island with three in the pipe". However I can't recall the rest of it. Can anyone with a better memory help me out with the full script.
Thanks,


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## cacique (Mar 26, 2005)

Seem to recall that there might have been something about "take soundings at midnight and advise".


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## Gordon Steel (Jan 14, 2008)

State your depth and position comes to mind!!!!!


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## bluemoon (Jul 19, 2009)

How about:-

May you have the patience of Job, the wisdom of Solomon but not the Children of Israel.


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## Varley (Oct 1, 2006)

'Anchored in the lee of bum Island' - I included this in a 'telegram' to a wedding party aboard a Celebrity ship recently. The party were not seafarers and I expected the ship's staff to be able to translate such not so arcane terms. Sadly they were not. It went down quite well. Evidently the vessel's Sat C had never received a 'private' message before.

I thought it was 'report speed and position midnight'


(F'ing expensive at GBP 65 and no R/O's PDH!)


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## Tony Selman (Mar 8, 2006)

I was very hurtfully accused of occasional flatulence when I was at sea and on my wedding day a former shipmate sent the following "Hope wind abates before berthing." I wonder if everyone understood it?


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## Basil (Feb 4, 2006)

Not nautical but, at the wedding of D1, I reminded our new SiL always to remember to say "Sorry" - because it would be the only way he would have the last word!


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## OilJiver (Jun 30, 2014)

Thought "_permission to come alongside_" was in there somewhere?


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## King Ratt (Aug 23, 2005)

Congratulations on your new appointment. Is she a single screw job?


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## holland25 (Nov 21, 2007)

Snug in the lee of bum island.


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## Doxfordman (Mar 29, 2005)

Thanks thus far.


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## AlbieR (May 18, 2007)

Horny old salts always wear protection when entering unchartered waters


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## Engine Serang (Oct 15, 2012)

Give her one for me.


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## sibby (Aug 23, 2010)

Tonight's the night the moon is bright we've shot the stork, so you're alright.


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## G4UMW (May 30, 2007)

Report position at midnight, full sounding and type of bottom.


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## AlbieR (May 18, 2007)

Sent to a 4/ft junior engineer from Barrow In Furness who had to fly home to to an urgent marriage, quoting a WD 40 advert, "It's amazing what a little squirt can do"


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## Varley (Oct 1, 2006)

sibby said:


> Tonight's the night the moon is bright we've shot the stork, so you're alright.


In the recent case inappropriate. I was juxtaposing a failure to call Bum Island with an unauthorised one at Bun Island.


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## 27780 (Sep 2, 2008)

I wanted to send a funny telegram to my friend who was getting married. I asked the R.O. if he had any suggestions. Yes, a great one that he had used for years. Next time I saw the R.O. he said that Portishead would not accept the message as it was too rude. I then sent an normal greeting instead. The reject message was ' indicate position and depth at midnight '


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## slick (Mar 31, 2006)

All,
In a similar vein the RN used to send pre-arrival letter to the returning lad's home advising them about his unusual behaviour traits, such as weening back on to Fresh Milk, offering to buy the neighbours daughter and sitting outside on the kerb shouting "where's my fast black?"Frequently commenting on the TV to be focused followed by "You expletive deleted"
Has anyone heard of similar letters home.
yours aye,
slick


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## Ian Greaves (Nov 11, 2006)

May tonight be like the kitchen table - all legs and no drawers.


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## Roys1 (Jul 21, 2007)

My shipmates sent the usual report position telegram to the honeymoon hotel. Unfortunately it was delivered at midnight to my elderly uncle with the same name who had come up for the wedding and by chance was in the same hotel. He arrived at breakfast saying " I think this could be for you" !


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## jonti (Mar 5, 2008)

Another from submariners: Report at midnight on the nature of the bottom encountered.


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## joemack (Jun 5, 2009)

*21st*

I got a telegram off my brother on my 21st aboard the shell tanker Hanetia, "Heartiest congratulations on your Attainment" I knew it came from a book


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## Freo (Nov 4, 2005)

My ex wife's name was Kate, and one telegram we received on our wedding day was. Neil's the captain, and Kate's the mate, the crew will come at a later date.


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## Larry Bennett (Aug 28, 2005)

One we received at GKA (and subsequently used by staff) was; 

"Congratulations. Please send photograph of the happy couple. Mounted if possible."

Methinks we at GKA would have turned a blind ear to the occasional double entendre. We weren't that prudish. At least not in the 1980s.


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## Varley (Oct 1, 2006)

Ah, after the old lady whose pet monkeys had both died of ape-lurgy.

Such faithful companions they had been that she took them to have them taxidermed. "Would Madame like them mounted?" questioned the stuffer. After a moment's thought she replied "Perhaps just holding hands?"


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