# Funny Stories



## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

Hello can anyone help me with funny stories or incidents that have happended on passenger ships? I am just finishing a new book for release soon that covers a number of popular shiips but I am tired about talking about ships as lumps of steel and want to lighten it up a bit! If they are too hot to share my email is [email protected]


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

If you are offerd free ice cream on a cruise ship it means someone has died and they need the fridge regards rustytrawler


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## Varley (Oct 1, 2006)

You are thinking of the Fish room. If there is fish as dish of the day three in a row, look out for the empty place in the saloon.


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

Hi Varley hows the knees? .......On my first cruise to Barbados, i was advised to pick a bar on board and tip the bar steward $20, after doing that my on board card was very rarely asked for at the bar. you also get a better service if you tip at the start of your trip.


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

So right. That $20 goes very far. Another good 'tip'. The bar tenders' waitress, cabin steward etc. A tip works well, It is not a bribe. When you crew, always say, 'Good Morning' etc It is just being polite. They are just hard working people. Not just 'Morning'... ask about their family, where they are from etc. You might be with them for a week, two weeks, three weeks. Longest cruise was was 118 days.


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

When we were having dinner a young waiter asked me if i would like some bread with my soup, i asked him if he had any warburtons, i will just go and ask came the reply. they must of been asked before as he came back with a bread roll in a plastic warburtons bag, well done him.


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## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

rustytrawler said:


> If you are offerd free ice cream on a cruise ship it means someone has died and they need the fridge regards rustytrawler


What a thought!


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## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

rustytrawler said:


> When we were having dinner a young waiter asked me if i would like some bread with my soup, i asked him if he had any warburtons, i will just go and ask came the reply. they must of been asked before as he came back with a bread roll in a plastic warburtons bag, well done him.


That must have been a very good ship!


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## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

Varley said:


> You are thinking of the Fish room. If there is fish as dish of the day three in a row, look out for the empty place in the saloon.


Certainly sounds fishy!


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## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

Stephen J. Card said:


> So right. That $20 goes very far. Another good 'tip'. The bar tenders' waitress, cabin steward etc. A tip works well, It is not a bribe. When you crew, always say, 'Good Morning' etc It is just being polite. They are just hard working people. Not just 'Morning'... ask about their family, where they are from etc. You might be with them for a week, two weeks, three weeks. Longest cruise was was 118 days.


You're right Stephen, it certainly pays to keep on their good side. If upset I've heard stories of terrible things they can do you withou you knowing!


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## paulcurtis (Jun 30, 2014)

rustytrawler said:


> Hi Varley hows the knees? .......On my first cruise to Barbados, i was advised to pick a bar on board and tip the bar steward $20, after doing that my on board card was very rarely asked for at the bar. you also get a better service if you tip at the start of your trip.


That's an excellent tip!


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## Varley (Oct 1, 2006)

RustyT,

Thanks for asking. New one is doing well and local consultant reckons the original is good for a bit without interference. Must keep up the exercises 

David V


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

You must get the bend in the knee, mind you don't trip over one of those three legged cats,they are all over the place in the I.O.M.


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

paulcurtis said:


> You're right Stephen, it certainly pays to keep on their good side. If upset I've heard stories of terrible things they can do you withou you knowing!


Cruise ships? I would be more worried about landbased restaurants, hotels etc,


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

On board Cunard's QUEEN VICTORIA. In the Queen's Grill the word you never hear is 'No'. On this morning a passenger requested blueberries at breakfast. "Sorry Sir, we do not have any." The passenger said to the others, "When I sailed in the OLD Queen Mary, we had blueberries at every breakfast. Next morning at table the passenger asked for the blueberries, "Sir, sorry, we don't have any." Even I knew that was impossible, the ship was still at sea! Next morning the waiter said to the passenger, "We are in Goteborg today. We hope to have some for you tomorrow morning." Next morning, "Do you have any blueberries?" Waiter, rather embarrassed, "Sorry Sir, we couldn't get any." The passenger reached from under his chair and produced a tub of blueberries and said, "I didn't think so, I brought my own. Cunard is not like it was in the good old days!" Ouch!


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

From my good friend Russell passed recently.

This on board CARONIA c. 1960, World Cruise. Lunch drinks in the Staff Captain's Quarters. Several passengers invited and also some of the officers. The officers arrived early and found that the Staff Captain was completely pi*sed! Passengers would arrive in minutes. The officers got the Staff into his WC and put him into the tub, pulled the shower curtain. The quests arrived and gave apologies, the Staff Captain has been called away. One lady wanted to go to the loo. She had been in the ship many times and so she knew where to go. She said, "I know where to go." She must have done her 'business' so then flushed. The sound woke Staff and he pulled the curtain aside worse, no teeth! The woman screamed! Well, must have been a good party!


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

On a stop at Aruba a couple of passengers got a taxi for a trip round the island, they got in the back, and after five minutes it stopped and the back doors opend and two men squashed in, they lost everything and were very shaken up ,they were told to get out and the taxi took off. Be carefull out there.


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

What they call a bad shore excursion!

These incidents can happen anywhere in the world. Be aware always! Never take more cash than what you need! Keep a photocopy of your passports and don't take all of your credit cards.


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## taffe65 (May 27, 2007)

Stephen J. Card said:


> What they call a bad shore excursion!
> 
> These incidents can happen anywhere in the world. Be aware always! Never take more cash than what you need! Keep a photocopy of your passports and don't take all of your credit cards.


I was under impression the poster was inkling for funny stories?Anyway rather crude but did I ever recant the true story of a 3rd (turd) engineer who defecated into a nabisco biscuit tin while on 12/4 watch (there being no e.r. toilet for such ablutions) and then presenting his trophy to the company eng superintendent on his next visit to the ship (Atlantic star ACL vessel).This was after many protestations about the lack of toilet facilities in the ships eng room, long story short vessel was swiftly supplied with a portaloo for eng room, proof actions speak louder than words 🤣


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## taffe65 (May 27, 2007)

taffe65 said:


> I was under impression the poster was inkling for funny stories?Anyway rather crude but did I ever recant the true story of a 3rd (turd) engineer who defecated into a nabisco biscuit tin while on 12/4 watch (there being no e.r. toilet for such ablutions) and then presenting his trophy to the company eng superintendent on his next visit to the ship (Atlantic star ACL vessel).This was after many protestations about the lack of toilet facilities in the ships eng room, long story short vessel was swiftly supplied with a portaloo for eng room, proof actions speak louder than words 🤣


I may add the contents of the tin prior to its secondary use weren't much better,best tabnab biccies I tasted were on the Kiwi Coast 🍪


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## rustytrawler (Jul 6, 2021)

Scroll back taff it says funny stories or incidents.


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## taffe65 (May 27, 2007)

rustytrawler said:


> Scroll back taff it says funny stories or incidents.


My apologies rusty too many G&T's, plus my tale was onboard a cargo vessel.Hope I don't overcook the steak tonight.


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## Stephen J. Card (Nov 5, 2006)

Naess Pioneer 1970. The Jr Engineer was attending to a valve just under the bottom plates. 3/E was standing there. He had a squeeze bottle of water and directed a stream of the water onto that back of the Jr. Jr turned around and saw the 3/E shaking his 'member' The Jr said, "You dirty, dirty b*stard!"


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