# Captains Inspections



## ALAN TYLER

Usually these took place once a week, I remember the ritual of cleaning the fridges the night before and getting a bottle of rum, not forgetting overtime. Does anyone have any memories of these inspections, I remember a certain Captain (can,t remember his name) in Houlders who insisted the toilet rolls hung outwards!!!


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## Sister Eleff

He was right about that one! There is a right and wrong way to hang a toilet roll!! (Jester)


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## poverf

ALAN TYLER said:


> Usually these took place once a week, I remember the ritual of cleaning the fridges the night before and getting a bottle of rum, not forgetting overtime. Does anyone have any memories of these inspections, I remember a certain Captain (can,t remember his name) in Houlders who insisted the toilet rolls hung outwards!!!


Hi the Ships i sailed on Captains inspections were on a Sunday and he also insected the cabins


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## non descript

poverf said:


> Hi the Ships i sailed on Captains inspections were on a Sunday and he also _insected_ the cabins


I guess it takes all sorts, but to go to the trouble of putting arthropods in the cabins seems to be taking things a bit far…but then again, maybe Entomology was part of Extra Masters ? (Jester)


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## non descript

Sister Eleff said:


> He was right about that one! There is a right and wrong way to hang a toilet roll!! (Jester)


Is it a case of one way North of the Equator and one way South? – Certainly there seems to be a case for that, as I have never seen an albatross using toilet paper North of the Equator…. (Jester)


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## Sister Eleff

I don't think so Bob as I was brought up in UK and my Mum was very firm about this!! Afterall, it's the way you will find that Hotels do it too.


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## Santos

L+H was once a week and all cabins and communial spaces inspected - direction of toilet paper, depended on how much tissue paper was available from the wrappings off the fruit. (LOL)


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## ROBERT HENDERSON

Sister Eleff said:


> I don't think so Bob as I was brought up in UK and my Mum was very firm about this!! Afterall, it's the way you will find that Hotels do it too.


My mother was also very strict about this. We could only use the News of THE wORLD, all squares cut to a uniform size and the string always in the top left corner. (Pint) 

Regards Robert


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## spongebob

Robert,that "News of the World " paper must have been luxury alongside those shiny squares of Jeyes TP

Bob


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## sparkie2182

"Entomology was part of Extra Masters" 

Extra strong and thoroughly absorbant.............


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## MARINEJOCKY

alot of big words being used on this thread that I do not understand but my young American wife has the old man and Chief Steward on my first ship with Houlders to thank for my obsession of having all toilet paper rolls facing out in our five bathrooms. 

As for using the News of the World for that purpose, you have it wrong, the "Times" was good for that and the News was used to pass the time especially when you were young and the gossip stories were pretty graphic. 

In my yacht inspections in my present work I get some funny looks when checking the AC vent outlets. I think with Houlders it was a saturday morning inspection.


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## surfaceblow

The weekly sanitary inspections on US flag vessels I sailed on was promptly indicated in the Bridge Log and Official Logs. Most of the ships the inspections had the Captain, Chief Mate, Chief Engineer, First Assistant Engineer, Chief Steward, Bosun, and Engine Delegate. The parade would visit all of the public spaces and cabins noting all the defects of cleanliness and mechanical faults most of the time the Chief Mate would be the one taking the notes. Most of the unlicensed crew would leave their x rated magazines opened to get a rise from the parade members.


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## John Rogers

How much of a rise was that?play on words I guess.

John.


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## Butters

Weekly inspection 1030hrs. Master , Chief Officer & Chief Steward did there rounds and the entry in the official logbook of - Masters inspection of all accommodation , galley , storerooms and outhouses -all found to be in a clean and sanitary condition. Most Masters I sailed with were reasonable about what they saw but a couple were white glove experts who liked to make the Chief Stewards day a misery. For apprentices it was a challenge as the threat if anything was wrong like soap stains on the shower walls , dust or dirt under the mattress ,unwashed cutlery or the wardrobe not neat and tidy it would be shore leave stopped in the next port or the port you were in at the time . I always remember one Master brushing his hand around the bottom of a cupboard after the ship had been rolling heavily and when he removed it into daylight it was covered in honey as was the sleeve of his number one jacket - result was no shoreleave and no sub in Melbourne .

Rgds.
Butters


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## Old Janner

Yes fond memories, early days lots of hard work getting ready for the Inspection always on a Sunday,Saturday night "work up" silver dip or enamel plate and soda to clean all the EPNS silver, including tea Pots, Coffe pots, Mustard outsides, Serviete rings. Use goddards plate powder on a scrubbing brush to take all the tarnish of the tines of the forks. All the silver draws had green felt, which all had to be brushed clean, that was the Saloon.
In the galley it was not so bad just had to make sure there were no bits of debris under the cooker or behind any fitment, main place the Capatin always looked was the fridges, always had to leave one fridge board up, so that the captain could look underneath.
Cabins had to be clean, new linen on the beds with bed made, rosies emptied and no loose wires shoved into electric sockets!
Later when I was Catr/Off, much easier, walk round with the Captain, Chief Eng, Mate and the Bosun. when all finished usually up to the old mans cabin for some hors dourves and a few drinks before lunch.
Interesting point on British Flag ships I never signed the log book saying that I took part in the Inspection, yet on two Monrovian Flag ships I had to sign the log.
Some ships after the inspection up to the Captains cabin for a few drinks and the Hors Dourves, then more drinks, then the request, lets have lunch in the old mans cabin, Stewards always made a good job of that, few more drinks, missed tea, next thing its time to turn to for breakfast. Very hard life.
I must admit that the last paragraph was not uncommon on Denholms, good crews hard working, but easy going when things were running well.
Yes I miss those times.


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## Pat Kennedy

Blue Funnel, who just *had* to be different, held the captain's inspection every day _except_ Sunday, at 10.30.
Captain, chief officer, chief engineer, chief steward, doctor/nurse, all processed through the accomodation, galley etc, all wearing white gloves and solemn expressions.
A ridiculous and unnecessary ritual.
Pat


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## TonyAllen

Yes Pat.I remember that very well and what a pain in the **** that was for the galley staff after breckfast cleanup, and ready to prepare for lunch the veg ect. On my first trip with Captain A K Hole he noticed a small piece of egg no bigger that a sixpence in the gash bucket and told the chef bill johnston to make sure I did my job properly.I wont tell you what bill said after they all left but believe me when I say he had a right go at the chief steward over it, inspections after that went very quickly and the galley staff were left alone.That was on the Elpenor 1955 Regards Tony


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## Nick Balls

Well Chaps its still all in the Ships official log book as being done every week !!


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## Pat Thompson

Greetings,

"The March of the Unemployed" aka "Bog Pan Gazing". I do remember one Old Man who used to "sniff the air" in the heads and complain about the "poor aim" of certain members of his ship's company.

I also remember a bit of a poem regarding rounds and if anybody can come up with the rest of it I would be eternally grateful, it goes,

The days are very simple in Ocean going ships;
There's a day for changing linen and a day for fish and chips.
But the day .... ...... ...... (Can't remember);
Is Friday, when the Captain, conducts his weekly Rounds.

Come on Chaps and Chapesses, there must be somebody out there with a copy in the darkest recesses of the loft.


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## Dave Haxell

*Old mans rounds*

When ever the 'unemployed' used to enter the galley on inspections, the cook on the Baltic boat I was on would always started draining fat from the fryer through a sieve into a pan. He always used to shout "mind yourselves gentlemen you might get hurt!!!" to which they would normally make themselves scarce pretty quick. Some how they never rumbled that the same thing happened every Sunday. The same cook would start drinking early in the day and always poured his 'tennents' into a pint enamel mug and proclaim loudly to all who cared to listen that he loved cold black tea. So he was often '3 sheets to the wind' by the time rounds has started.


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## eldersuk

Sunday morning, Captain's rounds. The previous evening we'd had chocolate mousse as a sweet. The bulkhead in one of the sailor's bogs was plastered with the remains of the mousse.
"Good God!" shouts the OM. "Which man did this?"
The bosun wipes his finger in it and licks it.
"Not one of our lads!"


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## billyboy

eldersuk said:


> Sunday morning, Captain's rounds. The previous evening we'd had chocolate mousse as a sweet. The bulkhead in one of the sailor's bogs was plastered with the remains of the mousse.
> "Good God!" shouts the OM. "Which man did this?"
> The bosun wipes his finger in it and licks it.
> "Not one of our lads!"


(Applause)  (Applause) 
Nice one mate. Love to have seen the skippers face


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## John Dryden

The truth is on Bank boats the cabin carpet was taken on deck and scrubbed to within an inch of it,s life then hung out to dry in the sun,it was slightly faded but so clean.


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## MARINEJOCKY

I think a certain Chief Steward who reads & posts alot on here taught me the trick of having a wet rag handy just before the old man and he came into my cadet engineers cabin to wipe the black vinyl floor edging to remove the dry white stains from the VIM.


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## Phil Saul

Pat Kennedy said:


> Blue Funnel, who just *had* to be different, held the captain's inspection every day _except_ Sunday, at 10.30.
> Captain, chief officer, chief engineer, chief steward, doctor/nurse, all processed through the accomodation, galley etc, all wearing white gloves and solemn expressions.
> A ridiculous and unnecessary ritual.
> Pat


Yes Pat, I will never forget those inspections.
I did two years as catering boy in the Peleus standing by in white jacket and dungarees while the party inspected my work.
I was dumb enough to think that one day they would tell me what a great job I was doing but all I ever got was a bollocking from the 2nd Steward and a list of things that weren't up to Bluies standard.
The benchmark was set so high that I could have worked 24/7 and it would still not be perfect.
Bluies never did inspections in port which caught me out when I joined Federal as I was having a beer at smoko in my cabin with a few of the lads when we were on the Kiwi coast, and the Mate walked in.
Cabin looked like a bomb had hit it and the 'rosie' was full of empty beer cans.
Mate was not best pleased.
Oh, happy days!!

Regards Phil (Thumb)


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## ChrisEve

A variation on the chocolate mousse story:
An AB who was ex-RN told me that on one navy ship, prior to inspection, he had put a dollop of peanut butter on the seat of one of the seamens' toilets. When the captain saw it he went berserk and shouted "What's that?!" This man scooped up some of the offending material on his finger, put it in his mouth then paused a moment before shouting "Sh*t, Sir!!"

I doubt it was true but it made me laugh for the rest of the watch.


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## spongebob

Chris that reminds me of the lesson in observation when the medical lecturer stuck his finger in the orifice of a cadaver then licked it to make a learned comment and asked the students to do likewise.
They did with some excruciating expressions to which he remarked."If you were paying attention you would of noticed that I inserted my index finger and sucked my forefinger"

Bob


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## hughesy

*Shower gelly and brass*

I remember vividly the Old Man on the Pipirikki,showed me the stuff what causes athelete's foot, or so he said.
So I made sure that stuff was scrubbed out of the showers for the rest of the trip. Plus he made us polish the toilet seats, very thorough inspection from that guy. I think his name was Jordan, he was Scottish. he was posh but not a bad 
guy. Polished the taps and brass thresholds on all the steps on that ship, there was a lot of brass, big brass steamer in the pantry for water. that ship was 27 odd years old when I was on her and she was in not bad shape, clean and polished a lot better than some of the more modern ships I sailed on and had to clean.Plus I polished the old man's portholes in his cabin that had been painted over I was shown how to get the paint off them and get them back to the brass. got a few hours overtime for that, cleaned each one on number 3 hatch in my afternoon off hours.
But then I think that ship did one more trip and was scrapped. But i was glad I got to sail on a classic old ship like her. I guess your first ship is always special.

all the best(Thumb) 
hughesy


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## Jim Brady

*Captains Inspections*

The story goes a Stewardess is doing her first trip to sea on an Empress boat and is being taught the job by the Bedroom Steward on the same set of cabins.
The day before sailing day there is always a big inspection of the passenger accommodation.The BRS got a potty put lemonade and two sausage's in it and placed it under a bunk in one of the cabins.
they are waiting for the Captain and all the other heads to come and carry out the inspection.The BRS waits until the inspection party are in sight,says to the Stewardess lets have one more quick look around.He pulls the potty from under the bunk gives the Stewardess a quick look at it and declares "It's to late now" and with that he drinks the lemonade stuffs the sausages in his mouth,the Stewardess fainted.
I'm told this did realy happen,that's the Liverpool sense of humour.


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## ChrisEve

Love it! That is going to keep me chuckling for the rest of today.


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## eldersuk

Jim Brady said:


> The story goes a Stewardess is doing her first trip to sea on an Empress boat and is being taught the job by the Bedroom Steward on the same set of cabins.
> The day before sailing day there is always a big inspection of the passenger accommodation.The BRS got a potty put lemonade and two sausage's in it and placed it under a bunk in one of the cabins.
> they are waiting for the Captain and all the other heads to come and carry out the inspection.The BRS waits until the inspection party are in sight,says to the Stewardess lets have one more quick look around.He pulls the potty from under the bunk gives the Stewardess a quick look at it and declares "It's to late now" and with that he drinks the lemonade stuffs the sausages in his mouth,the Stewardess fainted.
> I'm told this did realy happen,that's the Liverpool sense of humour.



A variation of the sausage story happened on ED's 'Tarkwa'. We carried about 75 passengers and as usual there was a contingent of RC nuns who were in the habit (no pun intended) of taking the sun on the fore part of the passenger deck. 
One afternoon the bosun climbed up the mainmast ladder with a sausage stuck in his flies. It was noticed that some of the nuns were peering between the fingers which covered their horrified faces. 
The 2nd mate on the bridge was desperately trying to attract the bosun's attention to his apparent state of undress. At last he got a response - the bosun looked down, pulled out his knife and sliced off the offending sausage throwing it over the side.

To this day nobody can agree how many nuns fainted.

Derek


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## Pat Kennedy

A further (and true) variation of this story concerned an AB on Cunard's Ivernia, who entered a crowded bar in Mamhattan with the recently severed and plucked neck of a turkey protruding from his flies.
Several women fainted, strong men blanched, and the offending AB, was arrested and banged up for the night.
Pat


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## nalayarb

I have experienced most of the inspection habits written about, but the sneakiest was a captain who carried a small srewdriver to delve down the plugholes to see if he could find a stray hair. If anyone was caught twice with this they were logged. This was on an iron ore carrier!


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## Tony D

Always like polishing brass,still do,summat very zen about polishing brass,anyway as a young whippesnapper sitting bored in me cabin eyes alight on the port hole,covered with 500 layers of paint and grubbiness, so decides to clean it up as a anti bordom project,much work with harpic wire wool and elbow grease and up it comes gleaming like summat belonging to Lizzy Windsor in a glass case in the Tower of London.
Sunday the Old Man comes round on inspection and is greatly impressed wi me work so he thinks it would be a good idea if the rest of the crew followed my example,(EEK)
One was lucky not to go over the side with the provobial anchor shackle strapped to me heels.


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## ALAN TYLER

Tony D said:


> Always like polishing brass,still do,summat very zen about polishing brass,anyway as a young whippesnapper sitting bored in me cabin eyes alight on the port hole,covered with 500 layers of paint and grubbiness, so decides to clean it up as a anti bordom project,much work with harpic wire wool and elbow grease and up it comes gleaming like summat belonging to Lizzy Windsor in a glass case in the Tower of London.
> Sunday the Old Man comes round on inspection and is greatly impressed wi me work so he thinks it would be a good idea if the rest of the crew followed my example,(EEK)
> One was lucky not to go over the side with the provobial anchor shackle strapped to me heels.


I agree brass does look good polished up, that reminds me I,ve a brass sun-dial in the garden that needs polishing after the long winter, now where,s the wire-wool and brasso!!!


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## howardws

I had a very annoying rattle in the deckhead of my cabin on 'Flinders Bay' and I was told not to do anything about it myself as the Second Engineer would get the Mechanic to fix it. I waited and waited and waited. On the morning of Master's inspection I wedged a piece of timber about eight foot long and 12" x 6" between the deckhead and the deck. When I came off the 12-4 my rattle had been cured and the timber was no longer there!


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## Dennis Butler

If I recollect my BP Tanker days as a Navigating Apprentice, Captain's inspection was a Sunday morning ritual when @ sea on British-crewed ships when he - together with Chief Engineer & Chief Steward - used to visit our twin-berth cabin in an autocratic manner to check on general cleanliness & tidiness after we'd spent Saturday mornings getting our linen changed in the Centrecastle's Linen Store then generally burnishing the brasswork & swabbing the cabin deck with plenty of in-house "Byprox" detergent in the bucket of water to help overcome any lingering body odour! I think we junior Apprentices also had to scrub and/or holystone any Wheelhouse wooden decking (as "BRITISH SAILOR" had)...

Dennis in Singapore


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## borderreiver

mrs Border Reiver moans that I am still inspecting the ship when I go around our pad


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## notnila

I think I may have already posted this tale somewhere.Maiden voyage in "Oriana"(1),boy ratings in 4 berth cabins.We took turns cleaning the cabin for"Captain's Rounds".(the only time in the week it was cleaned).Anyway it was my"turn",when in they came.Captain Edgecombe run his white gloved finger along the top of a ditty box,which had been cellotaped to the baulkhead,said box collapsed!!He then lifted the corner of the cabin mat with his foot,revealing everything I'd swept under it."I wouldn't keep pigs in here",he said,to which the Purser,Nelson French,replied"I would Captain!"
He always had a fine line in insult!!!(Jester)


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## eldersuk

Talking about cleaning up cabins etc., the mate did a full interior decorating job on his cabin which included dismantling and thouroughly cleaning the Punkah louvres which were a bit yellowish. The 2nd Eng., who was a congenital idiot, decided this was a brilliant idea and proceeded to strip all the Punkah louvres from the midships accommodation. 
In order to clean them he put the whole lot in a drum with a Peroline solution, inserted a steam hose and left them to boil.
Naturally, when he took them out they all resembled well soaked prunes, in addition to this they were originally of differing sizes for the alleyways, cabins, public rooms etc. and he had no idea which was which, which didn't really matter because none of them would fit anyway. (He told the Chief he might have to skim a couple in the lathe!)
The upshot was that we had to complete the voyage with no control over the volume of heating/air conditioning and some very awkward interviews for some people on return to Liverpool.

Derek


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## KIWI

On Maloja the emergency generator was fired up for Captains inspection.One time when we were giving it a trial run & warm up prior to inspection it just wouldn't go.Satisfied the inspection party by motoring it.The engineers of course got on to finding the fault straight away but a lot of paper work was averted. KIWI


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## jaolt1

Hi...sailed With A Skipper That Among Other Things During His Rounds On Sunday At 1000 Would Check Under The Cap Of Ketchup Bottles In The Messroom To Ensure There Was No Build Up Of The Red Sauce!!


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## muldonaich

sailed with one old man and all he ever inspected was the bookshelves in all cabins to find a book he had not read have to say he was a good old man just a wee bit ecentric lol.


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## muldonaich

Old Janner said:


> Yes fond memories, early days lots of hard work getting ready for the Inspection always on a Sunday,Saturday night "work up" silver dip or enamel plate and soda to clean all the EPNS silver, including tea Pots, Coffe pots, Mustard outsides, Serviete rings. Use goddards plate powder on a scrubbing brush to take all the tarnish of the tines of the forks. All the silver draws had green felt, which all had to be brushed clean, that was the Saloon.
> In the galley it was not so bad just had to make sure there were no bits of debris under the cooker or behind any fitment, main place the Capatin always looked was the fridges, always had to leave one fridge board up, so that the captain could look underneath.
> Cabins had to be clean, new linen on the beds with bed made, rosies emptied and no loose wires shoved into electric sockets!
> Later when I was Catr/Off, much easier, walk round with the Captain, Chief Eng, Mate and the Bosun. when all finished usually up to the old mans cabin for some hors dourves and a few drinks before lunch.
> Interesting point on British Flag ships I never signed the log book saying that I took part in the Inspection, yet on two Monrovian Flag ships I had to sign the log.
> Some ships after the inspection up to the Captains cabin for a few drinks and the Hors Dourves, then more drinks, then the request, lets have lunch in the old mans cabin, Stewards always made a good job of that, few more drinks, missed tea, next thing its time to turn to for breakfast. Very hard life.
> I must admit that the last paragraph was not uncommon on Denholms, good crews hard working, but easy going when things were running well.
> Yes I miss those times.


think i have to agree with everything you said in that post brgds kev.


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## ALAN TYLER

borderreiver said:


> mrs Border Reiver moans that I am still inspecting the ship when I go around our pad


Is it the white gloves that give the game away!!!!!


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## borderreiver

no the hand marks on the dust.gave me away A duster was handed to me
Yes I was one of the masters who checked the crews book cases for paper backs.


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## CAPTAIN JEREMY

jaolt1 said:


> Hi...sailed With A Skipper That Among Other Things During His Rounds On Sunday At 1000 Would Check Under The Cap Of Ketchup Bottles In The Messroom To Ensure There Was No Build Up Of The Red Sauce!!


I still do!! But that is part of the weekly public helath inspection to ensure compliance with USPH requirements. The crew accomodation inspection nowadays tends to be a cleanliness and tidiness issue, but in reality is a legal requirement to ensure that the facitilties are in compliance with the minimum standard required by the regulations. I would like to think that in this day and age all accomodation is far above the standards required by the "accomodation regulations". I am always a bit bemused by pages in the Official Log Book with regard to inspections of the food and water on board. I assume that as I eat and drink them, that they must be OK!! However, being on a passenger ship, the inspection of the store rooms can easily turn into a little shopping expedition ......

I too remember what sticklers Captains could be when I was a cadet and junior officer on these inspections, and try to be somewhat more reasonable and practical.


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## Pompeyfan

spongebob said:


> Chris that reminds me of the lesson in observation when the medical lecturer stuck his finger in the orifice of a cadaver then licked it to make a learned comment and asked the students to do likewise.
> They did with some excruciating expressions to which he remarked."If you were paying attention you would of noticed that I inserted my index finger and sucked my forefinger"
> 
> Bob


The old ones are the best Bob. I have heard that one many times (Jester)

We in the medical department took turns to wander around the Galley daily. So it was not only the Old Man they had to look for!. 

David


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## JoK

borderreiver said:


> no the hand marks on the dust.gave me away A duster was handed to me
> Yes I was one of the masters who checked the crews book cases for paper backs.


A good friend of mine was telling me of her Captain husband compaints of the cleanliness of her house when he arrived home from sea.
I told her, to tell him that she wasn't his Tiger.

I had to then explain to her what the Captain's tiger was.


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## Sister Eleff

JoK said:


> A good friend of mine was telling me of her Captain husband compaints of the cleanliness of her house when he arrived home from sea.
> I told her, to tell him that she wasn't his Tiger.


I would have pointed him to the duster and cleaner cupboard and told him to 'fix' it!


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## Trampshipman

spongebob said:


> Robert,that "News of the World " paper must have been luxury alongside those shiny squares of Jeyes TP
> 
> Bob


Yeah.....but it always left you with a black a-se !


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## borderreiver

How about British no 3. Mrs border reiver still handing me the polish and duster now also the mop. Now expects cup of tea in bed.


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## muldonaich

nalayarb said:


> I have experienced most of the inspection habits written about, but the sneakiest was a captain who carried a small srewdriver to delve down the plugholes to see if he could find a stray hair. If anyone was caught twice with this they were logged. This was on an iron ore carrier!


bet you it was one of houlders


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## Donald McGhee

Donaldsons had their inspection on Sunday and the Old man, Chief Steward and mate would troop around in their best blues. One Chief Steward, Alec Barr on the Colina would always use a razor blade and run it down the basin splash back and any formica surfaces and if it had any "residue' would jump up and down, screaming "Filth, filth"!!

A real toerag he was and what a crawler. The old man was a bit of a **** at times too, Bill Joyce, wonder what they were on then, as cocaine etc was just in its infancy in the mid sixties?

Crazy behaviour designed to make the apprentices look stupid and aimed to victimise. The cabin was in all respects very clean, but they just had to find something, what would be wrong with saying "well done, clean cabin", but it never happened..


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## Ray Mac

Donald McGhee said:


> Donaldsons had their inspection on Sunday and the Old man, Chief Steward and mate would troop around in their best blues. One Chief Steward, Alec Barr on the Colina would always use a razor blade and run it down the basin splash back and any formica surfaces and if it had any "residue' would jump up and down, screaming "Filth, filth"!!
> 
> A real toerag he was and what a crawler. The old man was a bit of a **** at times too, Bill Joyce, wonder what they were on then, as cocaine etc was just in its infancy in the mid sixties?
> 
> Crazy behaviour designed to make the apprentices look stupid and aimed to victimise. The cabin was in all respects very clean, but they just had to find something, what would be wrong with saying "well done, clean cabin", but it never happened..


March of the Unemployed then off to the cabin for G&Ts bullsh*t

Ray(Sad)


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## Pat Kennedy

Burned Toast said:


> March of the Unemployed then off to the cabin for G&Ts bullsh*t
> 
> Ray(Sad)


Ray, 
But they didn't see it that way. 
It was to some of them a necessary ritual designed to put us firmly in our place.
On one ship I was on, Blue Funnel's _Memnon_, the Chief Officer would check that you had emptied the ashtray which was housed in your bunkshelf. If you had forgotten to carry out this essential task, he would empty the contents all over your pillow.
This was in 1960, I would guess that attitudes improved over the years since then.
Regards, 
Pat.(Hippy)
PS, I hope you are practicing your breadmaking skills as recently
instructed by HM Coastguard!


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## randcmackenzie

[It was to some of them a necessary ritual designed to put us firmly in our place.]

Pat, I have to disagree, though in some cases it may have been true.

It was certainly a ritual, but not one designed by those who carried it out.
Remember too that officers' cabins were also inspected.

It was and is a statutory requirement that all accommodation and stores were inspected regularly, and a log book entry to that effect was required.

On top of that, if carried out properly, it ensured that all spaces were cleaned at least weekly, and that no taps or toilets were leaking fresh water, electrical fittings were undamaged, etc etc.

Additionally, if the senior PO was invited to attend at the spaces under his control, any deficiencies could be pointed out, and there was also an opportunity to ask if he or anyone had any compaints.

B/R


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## Pat Kennedy

randcmackenzie said:


> [It was to some of them a necessary ritual designed to put us firmly in our place.]
> 
> Pat, I have to disagree, though in some cases it may have been true.
> 
> It was certainly a ritual, but not one designed by those who carried it out.
> Remember too that officers' cabins were also inspected.
> 
> It was and is a statutory requirement that all accommodation and stores were inspected regularly, and a log book entry to that effect was required.
> 
> On top of that, if carried out properly, it ensured that all spaces were cleaned at least weekly, and that no taps or toilets were leaking fresh water, electrical fittings were undamaged, etc etc.
> 
> Additionally, if the senior PO was invited to attend at the spaces under his control, any deficiencies could be pointed out, and there was also an opportunity to ask if he or anyone had any compaints.
> 
> B/R


Of course, you are correct, and I sailed on many ships were the weekly inspection was carried out in a low key and less formal, but fully effective manner.
Blue Funnel felt it was necessary to carry out a formal inspection of the accomodation from top to bottom, six days a week. as has been described by others, the captain accompanied by the chief of each department, the ship's doctor/male nurse, and the bosun, (all wearing white gloves on some ships), would process through the galley, store rooms, bathrooms, messrooms and all the cabins, even those where the watch below were asleep. It was greatly resented by many of the crew, especially those who had come to BF from other companies, and was seen as pure bullsh**, designed to bolster the self esteem of the inspectors.
However, having said this, I still maintain that they were a fine shipping company.
Best regards, 
Pat


----------



## muldonaich

Pat Kennedy said:


> Of course, you are correct, and I sailed on many ships were the weekly inspection was carried out in a low key and less formal, but fully effective manner.
> Blue Funnel felt it was necessary to carry out a formal inspection of the accomodation from top to bottom, six days a week. as has been described by others, the captain accompanied by the chief of each department, the ship's doctor/male nurse, and the bosun, (all wearing white gloves on some ships), would process through the galley, store rooms, bathrooms, messrooms and all the cabins, even those where the watch below were asleep. It was greatly resented by many of the crew, especially those who had come to BF from other companies, and was seen as pure bullsh**, designed to bolster the self esteem of the inspectors.
> However, having said this, I still maintain that they were a fine shipping company.
> Best regards,
> Pat


still do not understand the emtying of the ashtray on a pillow never heard of that in all my years at sea.


----------



## Pat Kennedy

muldonaich said:


> still do not understand the emtying of the ashtray on a pillow never heard of that in all my years at sea.


Nevertheless that it what he did.
Someone who could confirm this is Dave Molyneux who is secretary of the Blue Funnel Association, and who was a steward on that Memnon on the same voyage.
Regards, 
Pat


----------



## muldonaich

i believe you pat but where did people like him come from kev.


----------



## surfaceblow

muldonaich said:


> still do not understand the emtying of the ashtray on a pillow never heard of that in all my years at sea.


On some of the older ships that I sailed on the ash trays were attached to the bunk light or to the bulkhead the ash tray could not be removed for emptying it only tilted. To empty the ash tray with out messing up your linen took getting a container capture the ashes while tilting it or using a vacuum cleaner. I never did see any one empty the ash tray on purpose and dump the mess on the pillow during the weekly sanitation inspections that I was required to attend. There must be some pieces of work doing the inspections on some ships. 

But I have seen the cadets and new BR's make the mess just before the weekly inspections. The linen closet was across the way from my office and there was a last minute rush to get another pillow case.


----------



## Pat Kennedy

muldonaich said:


> i believe you pat but where did people like him come from kev.


I cant remember the name of this particular Chief Officer, but he was a piece of work.
He resembled the actor, James Robertson Justice, both in appearance and demeanour.
He instituted a beer ration for deck ratings of two cans per day, and this also caused resentment because the Chief Steward was much more liberal and allowed his lads four a day.
No doubt he became a Blue Funnel master in due course, I'm sure someone on this site will remember him.
Regards, 
Pat (Thumb)


----------



## Nick Balls

The Official log book still requires the Master & Chief officer to confirm that weekly inspections of accommodation have been carried out........... Its a long time since I have seen a formal Saturday/Sunday walk around . However the norm these days is that the condition of the vessel is very carefully checked all the time. A couple of years ago we had an office chap come around and admired the pristine nature of the accommodation, its polished decks and spotless bulkheads. ' Good to see your stewards are doing a good job' was his comment............... Those boats had never had either stewards or anyone remotely close! with only 11 men on the ship it was always down to everyone on board to keep her like that. The deck crew playing 'Peggy' at night to strip and polish alleyways, Everyone else doing there own areas. Shows the great pride that British Seafarers still have in their ships, always a marvel to me seeing the way many people were treated in the 1980's and 90's


----------



## Ray Mac

Nick Balls said:


> The Official log book still requires the Master & Chief officer to confirm that weekly inspections of accommodation have been carried out........... Its a long time since I have seen a formal Saturday/Sunday walk around . However the norm these days is that the condition of the vessel is very carefully checked all the time. A couple of years ago we had an office chap come around and admired the pristine nature of the accommodation, its polished decks and spotless bulkheads. ' Good to see your stewards are doing a good job' was his comment............... Those boats had never had either stewards or anyone remotely close! with only 11 men on the ship it was always down to everyone on board to keep her like that. The deck crew playing 'Peggy' at night to strip and polish alleyways, Everyone else doing there own areas. Shows the great pride that British Seafarers still have in their ships, always a marvel to me seeing the way many people were treated in the 1980's and 90's


Must agree Nick, All Offshore boats I have sailed on everyone kept their accomadation clean, and the sailors did a great job of the outside and inside of the vessel(Thumb)

Ray


----------



## Ray Mac

Pat Kennedy said:


> Ray,
> But they didn't see it that way.
> It was to some of them a necessary ritual designed to put us firmly in our place.
> On one ship I was on, Blue Funnel's _Memnon_, the Chief Officer would check that you had emptied the ashtray which was housed in your bunkshelf. If you had forgotten to carry out this essential task, he would empty the contents all over your pillow.
> This was in 1960, I would guess that attitudes improved over the years since then.
> Regards,
> Pat.(Hippy)
> PS, I hope you are practicing your breadmaking skills as recently
> instructed by HM Coastguard!



Pat I did quite a few years on the march of the unemployed I have upset quite a few with this is a bloody waste of time(EEK) Mostly either the Mate or myself would do a daily walk round the accommodation, I would know if the food places were clean and vermin free no need for the Sunday walk(==D) Ray


----------



## sagalout

We used to cal it galley ports day on Prince Line & scrubed the galley down on Thursday night for white glove & mirrors inspection on Friday morning!
I can remember being in Southampton dock when an inspection was called didn't normally do it in port on Port Line] & as the steward was so p****d we done it all for him dressed him in his white coat & hung him by his jackets hook on the mess door. What a trip round the coast that was.......


----------



## Macphail

Sunday, at 1030 hours, as Chief Engineer, I would put the steaming bonnet on, and go on inspection with the Captain, Mate and Chief Steward.
On a particular ship, we had the little Filipino Chief Steward who was terrified of the Captain. During inspection of the store room’s, the Captain would tap on the Chief Stewards forehead with his knuckle, shouting, and “Is there anybody in there”?
The final outcome, due to his stressed out condition, the Chief Steward had a big argument with the Cook, about the Sunday dinner menu, the Chief Steward ended up dead, frenzied knife attack by the Cook in the galley.
This happened at sea, next port of call Singapore, port authorities did not want to know.
Cook paid off and sent home to the Philippines.
It turned out that this was the second murder he had committed.

Watch your back.

(Cloud) (EEK)


----------



## muldonaich

why did you let a bully like him get away with doing things like that does not really say much about you as a senior off .


----------



## Boatman25

muldonaich said:


> why did you let a bully like him get away with doing things like that does not really say much about you as a senior off .


I think that it is easy for you Mr muldonaich to make judgements now on what happened then but perhaps not easy for Mr machpail to do anything about it at the time. So what makes you the judge and jury.


----------



## muldonaich

Boatman25 said:


> I think that it is easy for you Mr muldonaich to make judgements now on what happened then but perhaps not easy for Mr machpail to do anything about it at the time. So what makes you the judge and jury.


i think mr macphail is sure to answer himself and i was not being judge and jury but sadly thats how bullys get away with these things and the poor fillipino would be terrified to lose his job but instead he lost his life how sad.


----------



## John Cassels

muldonaich said:


> i think mr macphail is sure to answer himself and i was not being judge and jury but sadly thats how bullys get away with these things and the poor fillipino would be terrified to lose his job but instead he lost his life how sad.


Quite correct Kev.
Mr.MacPhail as a cheng. should have had a quiet word with the
Master , nothing wrong with that and perfectly acceptable.


----------



## Dickyboy

This doesn't come under the Captains Inspections heading really, but is all to do with smartness and cleanliness.
On one BP tanker I was on, in the engine room, just outside the Control Room were two small steam recipricating pumps. Vertically mounted on a bulkhead if I recall correctly. One was always huffing, puffing and clanking away at a slow and steady rate. They were obviously twins, but the other one was spotless, the paint gleamed, the joints didn't leak and it ran as smooth as silk. It was touched on pain of death. It was the C/Es pride and joy, no one dared touch it, let alone use it. If I recall correctly the only time it ever got used was when the C/E came down to the pit with a visitor and he could show them how a steam recip pump should work. The Chief did all the work on that pump himself, just to keep his hand in I suppose.


----------



## NoR

Hi Butters

Re.


> Masters inspection of all accommodation , galley , storerooms and outhouses


In Union Co I thought we wrote 'sidehouses', I might be wrong. I think it was also entered in the Deck Log and underlined in Red, I might be wrong again though.


----------



## Ron Hamilton

As a 16yr old QMs Peggy in '47 on the Samaria , The entourage crowded into our small mess-room which I kept spotless , & the next week the ships doctor had noted the date on the newspaper lining I had in a cupboard & it hadn't been changed for which I was reprimanded ! On the D.L.Harper an Esso tanker on the warm engine room bulkhead which ran along the the alleyway opposite our cabins aft ,we had a clothes line rigged , & in the cleaning rags that were supplied there was often the most delightful exotic lingerie which we collected & strung them all along the alleyway , much to the consternation of the Captains entourage on inspection day ! Ron


----------



## andy60e

Tony D said:


> Always like polishing brass,still do,summat very zen about polishing brass,


I hated brass....think it was Denholms Troll Boats that were covered in the stuff....stairs, threshhold to every cabin, everywhere. Inspections were a nightmare because all of it had to be gleaming. Don't remember having to use Brasso on any other ships but the Troll Boats sure made up for it......great ships otherwise though.


----------



## andy60e

jaolt1 said:


> Hi...sailed With A Skipper That Among Other Things During His Rounds On Sunday At 1000 Would Check Under The Cap Of Ketchup Bottles In The Messroom To Ensure There Was No Build Up Of The Red Sauce!!


To be honest, cleaning the top of sauce bottles was just standard hygiene that was carried out regularly and not just for inspections. I certainly wouldn't have expected to get caught out for that one on an inspection


----------



## borderreiver

Done a few cross channel trips on P & O ferrys going home to France The brass work was green. My boys would have been told to get rid of it.Let alone the state of the toilets.


----------



## tony poutch

Pat Kennedy said:


> Blue Funnel, who just *had* to be different, held the captain's inspection every day _except_ Sunday, at 10.30.
> Captain, chief officer, chief engineer, chief steward, doctor/nurse, all processed through the accomodation, galley etc, all wearing white gloves and solemn expressions.
> A ridiculous and unnecessary ritual.
> Pat


Remember it well Pat ,chippy who was a Guinness drinker used to use Po's toilets every day just as the inspection was underway ,when I was a young peggy I was tormented by that man


----------



## Pat Kennedy

tony poutch said:


> Remember it well Pat ,chippy who was a Guinness drinker used to use Po's toilets every day just as the inspection was underway ,when I was a young peggy I was tormented by that man


Was that chippy named Gordon Ford, Tony?
He was a Guinness drinker, and an awkward customer to boot, although I got on well with him when I was PO's peggy.
Regards, 
Pat(Thumb)


----------



## Trader

*Awkward Lampy.*

Hiya Pat and Tony,
We had an awkward Lampy on the Bellerophon when I was peggy there in 1952. He was a dirty b......d and never had a shower all the time I was on the ship (2 years). He used to have a strip wash in his cabin. When he had a cr-p he never closed the toilet door but dropped his belt along with knife and spike outside the door to let you know that he was in residence. He used to put chalk marks under his mat to make sure you scrubbed out properly.

I was on that ship for two years and he never ever called me by name just "ay you". He was a real c---ks----er and spent all his spare time covering baskets with canvas for the engineers and mates for a few beers (you know the baskets I mean Pat)

You may say "why did you stay so long on the ship". I stayed because there were some good people on there and I thought that all ships were the same. 

Blue Funnel was a good company and I wouldn't have changed my four years on them, I learn't a lot and went to some fabulous places and met a lot of good guys but I also met a lot of ar--h--les.

I left after four years and joined Manchester Liners, what a difference.
I sailed with other companies after that for 30 odd years but will never forget my "peggyship" with Blue Funnel. It stood me in good stead over the years and taught me discipline.

Regards..............Alec.


----------



## Derek Hughes

*Inspections...I had a few*

Nz Shipping..in port Brisbane.1967...after a night out at the Grand Hotel,I was entertaining one of the local girls in my top bunk,sharing a cabin with 2 junior catering crew.I just popped back in the cabin to share my affections with this delightful lady and a bacon butty..yes its true she was a lady ..she took her false teeth out for me..she was the color of a bin bag..I remember being stopped by some crew from Saw Sav on the way back to the ship and one of asked her how much she would charge to haunt a house.!Anyway we were in that loverly french position *that I cannot spell this time in the morning..When I heard a coughing noise ,I disentangled myself to find at eye level ,a big peaked cap with lots of braid on it,infact there was lots of peaked caps with lots of bloody braid...inspection..oh shute!
My nice cabin mates had left the key in the door...my next job was with Canadian Pacific.thats another story!


----------



## billyboy

Derek Hughes said:


> Nz Shipping..in port Brisbane.1967...after a night out at the Grand Hotel,I was entertaining one of the local girls in my top bunk,sharing a cabin with 2 junior catering crew.I just popped back in the cabin to share my affections with this delightful lady and a bacon butty..yes its true she was a lady ..she took her false teeth out for me..she was the color of a bin bag..I remember being stopped by some crew from Saw Sav on the way back to the ship and one of asked her how much she would charge to haunt a house.!Anyway we were in that loverly french position *that I cannot spell this time in the morning..When I heard a coughing noise ,I disentangled myself to find at eye level ,a big peaked cap with lots of braid on it,infact there was lots of peaked caps with lots of bloody braid...inspection..oh shute!
> My nice cabin mates had left the key in the door...my next job was with Canadian Pacific.thats another story!



Ha ha Good one Derek. (Jester)


----------



## Thats another Story

black bob the lamps was the scruffiest bastard you could meet his cabin was like the inside of a skip ever morning grease tar paint in his cabin the deck was like an ice ring nightmare of a man? an AB stuck a fire hose through his porthole but was well worth the message he got even the old man give us Peggie's a little lea way as regards his cabin.john(Hippy)(Jester)


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## kevjacko

I hated my time as a steward, I think you need to have the right mentality to do the job, to me it was an unavoidable stepping stone into the galley when with BP. Don't get me wrong the job got done to the best of my ability and those that made the effort in cabins and accomodation I'd be more than happy to go the extra yard for. But the minty, smelly, lazy t***s who thought I was there to skivvy could get f****d as far as I was concerned. I'd do the basics. I remember one engineer who's cabin was like the black hole of calcutta, the smell was horrendous and his attitude was 'your here to clean', that was until the night he wet the bed (full of drink) and came cap in hand looking for bed linen because he didn't want his fellow engineers to know he couldn't control his bladder. I was his bezzy mate then.

Nah stewarding, hats off to those that did it long term but I got out quick as I could.


----------



## Alex Salmond

Joined the Orsova or Arsova as we knew her in 1973 out of Prescott street as I had been a Steward and wanted to join my mates down below and this was the only ship they would let me join as they were desperate for Greasers,anyway Skippers inspection was a real occasion every week the Skipper and about a dozen lackeys trailing after him ,whites on ,the works we all had to stand outside our cabins while all this was going on but this one time there was a couple of empty cabins down the end of the alleyway that he hadnt bothered with all trip but decided to inspect this time for some reason so he got the Mate to use his passkey to open this cabin and he walked in let out an almighty roar and backed out quickly while all the hangers on peered in and started milling around yelling,what it was the spare cabin was in use by a Greaser and his boyfriend who the Skipper had caught in a AHEM compromising position they had completely forgot it was inspection day, talk about Coitus Interuptus they were sent home in disgrace the next day from Madeira,great stuff ,never a dull moment at sea eh!
Alex.


----------



## trotterdotpom

Sounds like a Bum Rap to me, Alex.

John T.


----------



## keithsparks

i remember on one ship sat with the radio room ajar feet up reading a book when i saw the om come out of the bridge wing door throw an ashtray full of tabs onto the boat deck ,come inspection bosun getting a right bol......ing about the cig ends all over the boat deck.That om knew i had seen him do it and i told the bosun he just grinned saying the old basteward did some dasterdly deed everytime it was peggy day he must have got a cheap thrill fom it


----------



## Mick Spear

Pat Kennedy said:


> I cant remember the name of this particular Chief Officer, but he was a piece of work.
> He resembled the actor, James Robertson Justice, both in appearance and demeanour.
> He instituted a beer ration for deck ratings of two cans per day, and this also caused resentment because the Chief Steward was much more liberal and allowed his lads four a day.
> No doubt he became a Blue Funnel master in due course, I'm sure someone on this site will remember him.
> Regards,
> Pat (Thumb)


Sounds like a right monster Pat! I wonder if he is a member of the BF Associaition? I guess not?
Mick S


----------



## alan ward

*Cadets Cabins*

During my time with Clan Line I worked on the cadet ships.One inspection the Old Man found a sink full of soaking skiddies in one cabin.Telling the offending young man this was not the way forward we left,next week they were still in his sink but now they were festerin and there was a ring round the sink where the water had evaporated.The OM went ballistic`Why are they still here?`he asked`Sorry sir,I forgot`was the answer.The dirty,chatty bastard had been looking at them for at least 8 days!Where did he brush his teeth,wash his face,shave?


----------



## tom roberts

On The Hyria we had an a.b. from the Isle of Man who made plonk from all sorts of fruit or spuds and kept bottles of it in his locker,one Sunday after the old mans rounds up the Mariciabo lakes they started exploding the stink in the deck crowds accomodation was bloody awfull,thank God the inspection was over.The skipper of the Parthia they say inspected the crew galley on the day that chicken pot pie was on the mt when I rememberuenu as it was his favourite I can vouch for the quality of that illustrious dish an its creator whos name escapes me at the moment b


----------



## tom roberts

Ooops I shall try again as I screwed up on my comments re the old mans rounds, regards that wonerfull chicken pot pie the creator of that masterpiece was John Cole one of the finest ships cooks I ever met, maybe a thread on the best or worst cooks the brethren have sailed with.


----------



## alan ward

*Ers*

I shall never,ever forget the ERS on the Temple Bar.He was about 6`6"and liked a drink or two.He went mental and got paid off somewhere or another when we checked his cabin he had 2 buckets of piss stashed in his wardrobe and his poor african grey parrot was up to it`s hocks in cornflakes,that he obviously been feeding it.The mates wife adopted the thing and sorted it out.


----------



## William Clark8

*Old mans rounds*

I was 2nd. Stwd on a ship so I had to look after the Old Man - 
he was something else. He had a Water Decanter in his Bathroom
and he used to Flick *** Ash in it to make sure I changed the water every day.. What an asshole(EEK)


----------



## trotterdotpom

If he hadn't done it, would you have changed the water?

JohnT


----------



## William Clark8

trotterdotpom said:


> If he hadn't done it, would you have changed the water?
> 
> JohnT



But of course [=P]


----------



## Seawitch Artist

andy60e said:


> I hated brass....


The first time I had to polish a brass ships bell I wasn't even on a ship, but in the nick. There was a brass bell salved from the wreck of the _Warren Hastings_ outside the guardroom of the 2nd battalion Royal Green Jackets in which I served before going to sea. Inspections? You ain't seen nothing if you havn't been in the glasshouse!


----------



## Basil

> Blue Funnel, who just had to be different, held the captain's inspection every day except Sunday, at 10.30.


From engineer hearsay, I understand that Blue Flue had a reputation for carrying out lots of preventive maintenance in the engine room.
'A' articles = Overtime not paid


----------



## makko

Basil said:


> From engineer hearsay, I understand that Blue Flue had a reputation for carrying out lots of preventive maintenance in the engine room.
> 'A' articles = Overtime not paid


Correct, Basil. full overhaul of generators at 500 hours. Change injectors, swap heads, take leads, etc. On the Barber Priam, we had five gennies. We could do the ohaul in our sleep!
Rgds.
Dave


----------



## John Rogers

makko said:


> Correct, Basil. full overhaul of generators at 500 hours. Change injectors, swap heads, take leads, etc. On the Barber Priam, we had five gennies. We could do the ohaul in our sleep!
> Rgds.
> Dave


That's the way it should be, just like an aircraft.(Thumb)


----------



## makko

John Rogers said:


> That's the way it should be, just like an aircraft.(Thumb)


John,

Some of the landbased units are now running to 16,000 hours between major overhauls, John! Better materials, better machining, better instrumentation. They still go BANG though every once in a while. There are still things, such as inclusions in the crankshaft forging that cannot be detected.

Rgds.
Dave


----------



## Baz1uk

On one of the "Glen/Shire boats,Engineer Cadets painted under the Settee in Half Deck Dayroom with Bitumastic Paint. When the Old Man on rounds threw his Cap, with white cover under the Settee and told the Senior Middy,"Retrieve my cap", it came out covered. The Old man threw a fit.When asked for an explanation,Eng Cadet said they found a spot of rust and treated it. Chief Eng struggled to keep a straight face.


----------



## Basil

A course or two before ours, mid course sneaked into junior course WC just before squadron commander's inspection and smeared peanut butter around just under rim.
Enter Sqn Cdr, white gloves etc - well, you know the rest (MAD)


----------



## OilJiver

makko said:


> Correct, Basil. full overhaul of generators at 500 hours. Change injectors, swap heads, take leads, etc. On the Barber Priam, we had five gennies. We could do the ohaul in our sleep!
> Rgds.
> Dave


Wow…..that’s a bit extreme Dave. Even on some of the old stone crushers that I worked on years ago; it would be about 1500hrs for injectors (running on MDO), 3000hrs for heads and double that before any major work. (Bet you didn’t have much trouble with the kit though!).

Getting back to the thread…I remember a time when a new (relatively young) Captain joined ship to relieve a very experienced and down-to-earth Old Man. The new guy quickly went about establishing himself – nothing wrong in that, except this included carrying out an engine room inspection during rounds - (blow me, outside of standbys, even the Chief would visit almost by prior appointment). Donks & the ER crowd were A1 to a man and the engine room was always immaculate, even soon after major work. So, on the third occasion of ER inspections during rounds, I thought a little education was called for. The 8-12 watch-keeper signalled when the Old Man was passing very close by the stand by genny; I then started it from the control room. Had the desired effect and the visitor nigh on jumped out of his skin – didn’t see him much after that.


----------



## Seaspread

Does anyone remember the Skipper on the Transval castle, swivel Lloyd and his boots with his trolley full of cleaning stuff you could not get, that ship must have been the cleanest ship in the merch at the time, ha ha ha.


----------



## Puffin's skipper

jaolt1 said:


> Hi...sailed With A Skipper That Among Other Things During His Rounds On Sunday At 1000 Would Check Under The Cap Of Ketchup Bottles In The Messroom To Ensure There Was No Build Up Of The Red Sauce!!


As sailors Peggy on a Wilson Boat I vividly remember a big Norwegian AB threatening me with violence about the very same thing , (except it was an HP sauce bottle.) "If you not wipe black crap off top of this bottle Peggy, I hit you with him."... About a week later the deck crowd came in the mess for Smoko and that was the last thing I remembered before waking up on no 3 hatch cover with a very bad headache.. The Norske Neanderthal had laid me out cold with the heavy square sauce bottle..

(Mind you I must admit it did have the desired effect. After that I whipped out a cloth and buffed it up shinier than the ships bell every time any AB put it back down on the table.)


----------



## E.Martin

Our toilet rolls are always overwind


----------



## Stephen J. Card

If the roll hang down the back.... the sheets will get wet from the condensation running down on the bulkhead. Just common sense... I think!


----------



## trotterdotpom

Stephen J. Card said:


> If the roll hang down the back.... the sheets will get wet from the condensation running down on the bulkhead. Just common sense... I think!


Tell that to a woman, for some reason they always put it on the wrong way.

John T


----------



## Winmar

I remember as Chief Off, accompanying a particularly odious master on Sunday rounds. This particular gentleman was hated by all. He was a bully who always picked on galley boys, cadets etc, you will all know the type. At around 
06.00hrs one Sunday whilst tank cleaning, I paid a visit to the galley for a brew were I found the galley boy running his bell end around the rim of a large mug. I gave him a rocket but when he assured me it was for a practical joke I let it go. However, later on in the morning whilst in the galley for inspection, the old man asked for a sample of the drinking water to check. The galley boy presented him with a large mug full!!! I pissed myself laughing, he told me to pull myself together and finished me off by saying it was very tasty! The thought of the old bas**** drinking knob flavoured water has not left me in nearly 30 years. When I rose to the dizzy heights myself I was always nice to the galley staff!


----------



## stehogg

*Captains inspections*

Concur with #102 on the Flintshire ,old man was one Captain Punchard,of who as 3rd trip eng cadets,we were somewhat in awe of.The same steaming bonnet duly skimmed under the half deck setee to be retrieved by said cadet and praying that there was no dust on the white cap cover.The only saving grace for us that trip was the ch/eng,whos name escapes me,but would always put in a good word for us if all went well with said inspection,I think he saw it as his way of praising us ,unlike Capt Punchard who probably thought eng cadets were not worthy of anything only ridicule.(EEK)


----------



## Stephen J. Card

trotterdotpom said:


> Tell that to a woman, for some reason they always put it on the wrong way.
> 
> John T



Come on. You want an argument over a piece.... sorry, a piece of loo paper. Not worth it!


----------



## Farmer John

Stephen J. Card said:


> Come on. You want an argument over a piece.... sorry, a piece of loo paper. Not worth it!


There have been small wars fought over this. I got between wife and eldest daughter, ED will change the thing over. Cue massive explosion, and we are a very placid bunch, but this!!!


----------



## makko

Stephen J. Card said:


> If the roll hang down the back.... the sheets will get wet from the condensation running down on the bulkhead. Just common sense... I think!


In our house, due to the material used in the wall, I installed some heavy duty expanding anchors with hex head bolts to fix the bog roll holder to the wall. The holder has glass sides and a curves stainless steel cover that goes over the roll.

Now, if it is "paper out" then as the roll turns, it will ride up against the hex heads and rip the roll. If it is "paper in" then the roll is pulled away from the hex heads and you get a nice length. As the roll diameter diminishes, either way will work!

Rgds.
Dave
"Chief Roll Adjuster for Paper" - [email protected] Institute qualified.


----------



## John Rogers

We have no problems in my house as the square sheets of newspaper hangs nicely on the nail, plus for back-up there is always the Sears catalog, a little glossy perhaps but still does the job.


----------



## Puffin's skipper

I remember being on one ship where the OM had come over to Dutch Shell from the RFA Tankers, one of our AB's had once sailed with him on the Tidereach and said he was a right prat, he thought himself an incarnation of Lord Nelson. 
He really was in his 'Navy' element on 10am Sunday inspections and instead of 20 minutes made them last till lunchtime... We were never sure if he really was insane or just had an eccentric sense of humour.. Either way his Sunday inspections (with white gloves on) were entertaining to say the very least, provided you had bulled your own waste bin and ashtray to a shine..
While waiting, (by your beds men) one young Ordinary Seaman was stood by his door having a quick drag when the OM walked out of the next cabin earlier than expected and 'horrors' he was left holding the 'tab' of a roll up in his hand. Not wanting to "mucky" his ashtray, and with no time to get to the porthole he 'hid' it up on the top of his cabin door, which was on the hook.. The cabin was spotless, bed folded & creased neatly and (unusually for him) the OM found nothing wrong whatsover.. 
As he walked back out he casually put his hand up and ran a gloved finger along the top of the door, checking it for dust. The offending "dog end" bounced down and out into the alleyway.. The Skippers eyes widenened as he stared down at it in shocked horror for perhaps a full 30 seconds before final speaking.. Turning round to the 1st Officer he snapped out, "Don't just stand there Number one, go fetch a shovel, dig me out of this crap, then have this seaman flogged"...

As I also remember though, the same OM also had his one "good" Navy tradition. "Grog issue". While tank cleaning at EVERY single exit back up top from our tank 'diving' (ie: smoko am, dinnertime, smoko pm and daywork end) he would send the mate out with bottles of 'Four Bells' rum and a glass, (used in turn in a queue) for our liberal 'grog' tot to 'Get the gas out of our lungs'.. By teatime, with our 4th "Navy style ration" of the day down our necks, we were all well ratted.. (Bounce)


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## morky1

I was caterer on the Sailing vessel STS Leeuwin and the master (Chris Blake ) had a party trick on rounds day in the trainees quarters, he would don a rubber glove and reach into the S-bend, something that brought the trainees undone, especially if he pulled a cooked sausage in his paw, something that happened occasionally


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## bazza9999

On the RMS Durango we would have Captain inspections on a weekly basis, each Sunday if I remember correctly.
These were generally white glove affairs and carried out by the Old Man, Chief Engineer and Chief Steward. 
As the Pantry Boy ("Pants") I was advised that the OM had a habit of placing a penny on a high ledge, to check the following week if the ledge had been cleaned.
Shortly after I did find a single penny in the pantry, and replaced it with two ha'pennys. The OM's face was priceless, he looked at the coins on the pantry deck, looked at me and the Chief Steward and carried on. 
I never found any more coins after that!


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## lakercapt

I never at any time enjoyed doing the Masters inspections but it was a requirement off the company. Mainly to see their property was being cared for and no unauthorized fitting or electrical equipment installed.
I even remember when there had to be an entry in the official log book 'anti scabotics issued"( to stop scurvy) that was the BOT lime juice which was kept in the bonded locker as it had alcohol


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## King Ratt

We had a First Officer who always accompanied the OM and his team during the march of the unemployed. This guy had a habit of picking up stray items and saying “what’s this doing kicking around making the place untidy.” I was one of the ROs and prior to a rounds, got a big power capacitor maybe 200 uF and charged it up with a megger. Previously I had strapped a couple of wires down the outside of the capacitor and left it well in sight on the radio office bench awaiting the inspection. Sure enough, the bait was taken and even the OM laughed. Good old RFA days.


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## Farmer John

lakercapt said:


> I never at any time enjoyed doing the Masters inspections but it was a requirement off the company. Mainly to see their property was being cared for and no unauthorized fitting or electrical equipment installed.
> I even remember when there had to be an entry in the official log book 'anti scabotics issued"( to stop scurvy) that was the BOT lime juice which was kept in the bonded locker as it had alcohol


I remember getting lime juice as an unsweetened concentrated light brown liquid, it was incredibly refreshing with a very weak concentrations. One bottle to an Olympic swimming pool, I would think.


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## lakercapt

Farmer John said:


> I remember getting lime juice as an unsweetened concentrated light brown liquid, it was incredibly refreshing with a very weak concentrations. One bottle to an Olympic swimming pool, I would think.


A splash of that and some raw sugar (from the cargo) and a large tot of the famous elixir Four Bells Rum and you had a wonderful refreshing bevy.


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## KEITHMAR

No wonder some of these characters had a hard time when They finally came ashore..... Captains and Chief Officers doing Engine Room inspections?? Jesus!!During My years I sailed with a couple of Chief Engineers who DIDN·T know where the Engine WAS!! Well You know what I mean, and good blokes They were too!They KNEW exactly what was going on .One of Them had a chat with the Second, And Me, and the freezer, EVERY morning at 8 oclock in His office, Perfect.Advice given and received, He then went back to typing His Memoirs.During a 4month voyage I think We saw him in theE/R Twice , once after a slight collision wih the dock .. on a very windy night in Marseille , and once when the Lads were pulling a unit.He used to say it was "TOO bloody noisy down there for Me"And I think He meant IT. The OM: an d the C:O: would never have got in to do an inspection.And regulations apart I don·t remember Him taking part in any Sunday inspections, HE was a 6ft 4 EX R:N: Eng Commadore and one of the RN last" hard hat" Divers ......Lovely Bloke!


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## notnila

ALAN TYLER said:


> Usually these took place once a week, I remember the ritual of cleaning the fridges the night before and getting a bottle of rum, not forgetting overtime. Does anyone have any memories of these inspections, I remember a certain Captain (can,t remember his name) in Houlders who insisted the toilet rolls hung outwards!!!


Its got to be the same Master I sailed with on the Beauval, my DB was lost years ago,so I can't remember his name either.He was a bit of a kleptomaniac and even after inspecting Chippy's locker the 2nd Steward would return a screwdriver or a chisel or even a handful of nails!Other than that he was quite harmless!


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## makko

KEITHMAR said:


> No wonder some of these characters had a hard time when They finally came ashore..... Captains and Chief Officers doing Engine Room inspections?? Jesus!!During My years I sailed with a couple of Chief Engineers who DIDN·T know where the Engine WAS!! Well You know what I mean, and good blokes They were too!They KNEW exactly what was going on .One of Them had a chat with the Second, And Me, and the freezer, EVERY morning at 8 oclock in His office, Perfect.Advice given and received, He then went back to typing His Memoirs.During a 4month voyage I think We saw him in theE/R Twice , once after a slight collision wih the dock .. on a very windy night in Marseille , and once when the Lads were pulling a unit.He used to say it was "TOO bloody noisy down there for Me"And I think He meant IT. The OM: an d the C:O: would never have got in to do an inspection.And regulations apart I don·t remember Him taking part in any Sunday inspections, HE was a 6ft 4 EX R:N: Eng Commadore and one of the RN last" hard hat" Divers ......Lovely Bloke!


One C/E, who only made brief appearances when STBY was rung, decided during BoT games to have a "fire" in the engine room and simulate smoke by turning the lights off.

Now, the way into the control room was directl fwd from the lift in the accom internal ladder well which accessed all decks. Left, was the pressure lock for the ER. Access to the top plates was by one of two doors at either end of the main control panel. Outside the doors ran a pipe which the engineers knew to duck under as they went out.

Well, C/E in ER, lights turned off and, brandishing his brand new torch, he led the way to "fight fire". Luckily he had a safety helmet on: Yes, straight into the pipe he went! The 2/E just said "get the bluddy lights on!". The drill was then changed to medevac of inhured crewmember from ER.

Although the C/E continued to make his rare appearances, never again did I see him exit the CR to the topplates! Lift/CR/Lift was the rule!

Rgds.
Dave


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## dannic

makko said:


> One C/E, who only made brief appearances when STBY was rung, decided during BoT games to have a "fire" in the engine room and simulate smoke by turning the lights off.
> 
> Now, the way into the control room was directl fwd from the lift in the accom internal ladder well which accessed all decks. Left, was the pressure lock for the ER. Access to the top plates was by one of two doors at either end of the main control panel. Outside the doors ran a pipe which the engineers knew to duck under as they went out.
> 
> Well, C/E in ER, lights turned off and, brandishing his brand new torch, he led the way to "fight fire". Luckily he had a safety helmet on: Yes, straight into the pipe he went! The 2/E just said "get the bluddy lights on!". The drill was then changed to medevac of inhured crewmember from ER.
> 
> Although the C/E continued to make his rare appearances, never again did I see him exit the CR to the topplates! Lift/CR/Lift was the rule!
> 
> Rgds.
> Dave


On long standby somewhere, all manual operation, Harland and Wolff engine, I was junior, when phone went - I answered and chief asked if second wanted a meal relief to which sec said yes please. Reply was call one of the thirds!!
Dannic


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## Duncan112

makko said:


> One C/E, who only made brief appearances when STBY was rung, decided during BoT games to have a "fire" in the engine room and simulate smoke by turning the lights off.
> 
> Now, the way into the control room was directl fwd from the lift in the accom internal ladder well which accessed all decks. Left, was the pressure lock for the ER. Access to the top plates was by one of two doors at either end of the main control panel. Outside the doors ran a pipe which the engineers knew to duck under as they went out.
> 
> Well, C/E in ER, lights turned off and, brandishing his brand new torch, he led the way to "fight fire". Luckily he had a safety helmet on: Yes, straight into the pipe he went! The 2/E just said "get the bluddy lights on!". The drill was then changed to medevac of inhured crewmember from ER.
> 
> Although the C/E continued to make his rare appearances, never again did I see him exit the CR to the topplates! Lift/CR/Lift was the rule!
> 
> Rgds.
> Dave


WE had a Chief Engineer in Bank Line who, desperate to be in charge of a fire, wrapped rags round a weeping HP fuel joint on the fuel pumps. Eventually his dream was fulfilled!! 

The same man requested that the crank case doors be removed at full speed - because he thought he could hear a banging from within.

I learned a lot from him, principally how not to be a Chief Engineer!!


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## makko

Duncan112 said:


> WE had a Chief Engineer in Bank Line who, desperate to be in charge of a fire, wrapped rags round a weeping HP fuel joint on the fuel pumps. Eventually his dream was fulfilled!!
> 
> The same man requested that the crank case doors be removed at full speed - because he thought he could hear a banging from within.
> 
> I learned a lot from him, principally how not to be a Chief Engineer!!


Holy Cow! Duncan! They walk among us and breed!
Rgds.
Dave


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## BillPascoeDaughter

My dad, Captain Bill Pascoe, was a stickler for hygiene. One time he was on the Sunday rounds, inspecting the toilet next to the saloon pantry. "There's no soap or towel in this bathroom. Get some in here immediately!" - and the steward told someone to get them because "This captain wants people to wash their hands after they use the toilet." Which incensed my dad because the steward just didn't get the point. Just thought it was yet another of the Old Man's quirks.


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## Pilot24

Duncan112 said:


> WE had a Chief Engineer in Bank Line who, desperate to be in charge of a fire, wrapped rags round a weeping HP fuel joint on the fuel pumps. Eventually his dream was fulfilled!!
> 
> The same man requested that the crank case doors be removed at full speed - because he thought he could hear a banging from within.
> 
> I learned a lot from him, principally how not to be a Chief Engineer!!


Same Chief who opened the CO2 valve into the engine room on the Meadowbank just as I was about to start fighting the fire in No. 4 Lower Hold? 
On being told by wee me to shut the ******* thing his answer was "Lets all calm down and act professionaly" 
Think he retired to his cabin for a beer whilst the 3rd engineer bemoaned the fact he actually had to fight a fire ! I do recall you puting him right Duncan.


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## Duncan112

Pilot24 said:


> Same Chief who opened the CO2 valve into the engine room on the Meadowbank just as I was about to start fighting the fire in No. 4 Lower Hold?
> On being told by wee me to shut the ******* thing his answer was "Lets all calm down and act professionaly"
> Think he retired to his cabin for a beer whilst the 3rd engineer bemoaned the fact he actually had to fight a fire ! I do recall you putting him right Duncan.


Not him, I'll PM you with the identity, this man was far more dangerous in that he came downstairs and fiddled!!

As an aside about the CO2 flooding one thing I learned is that the first indication you get down the ER when bulk CO2 is being applied (remember the lorry and hose to the manifold?) and the pressure switgh alarm bypassed is that the paint falls off the pipes as they contract due to the cold?

Two companies further on, I was Chief on one vessel about 12 hours from Long Beach and the fire alarm went off, wandered downstairs to find the reefer switchboard well ablaze and my troops about to use a hose on it. Told them this was not a good idea and got the CO2 hand helds out. The smoke was thick so I asked the Old Man to send a BA party down, 3/O arrives with BA set in hand says "There you are Chief" and buggers off. You couldn't make it up.


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## morky1

I sailed on the STS Leeuwin with Capt Chris Blake brilliant square rig capt, we carried up to forty young people, Capt's round was always interesting, his party trick was to go into the toilets in the trainee accom. put reach his hand into a previously well-cleaned toilet bowl and pronounce it to be clean enough. Brought a lot of the kids undone !


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## harry t.

“In the old days” when there was only a plunger or caustic available, or a trip over the side to clear the flapper valve. The old man would find on his inspection the odd blocked toilet, usually, after a lengthy stay in port, that the shareholders responsible would leave as is, ‘because !!’. The standard reply to that would be – ‘it’s only chewed bread’ – ‘get your hand in and clear it’ – or the alternative when next in port.


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## stillwaters

Haha, talking about inspections, how many remember the 'The Short Arm' inspections carried out by the Port Doctor in Wellington, normally done on the Boat Deck on return from a trip from overseas. This inspection was being done in the late 50's as I remember.
Ewen


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