# Captain's Idiosynchrocies



## Vital Sparks (Sep 19, 2007)

I sailed with one master who was a TV addict. He had the location all European coastal TV transmitters pencilled onto the charts and 2/O was under strict instructions not to rub them off. 2/O was also required to produce passage plans which kept the ship within reception distance for as long as possible. Officers of the watch would be instructed to delay course alterations until programmes were finished and R/O was under instructions not to transmit for the same reason. He had his own (unofficial) TV aerial mounted on a broom handle on the monkey island and would send his wife up there in all weathers to swing it around while he directed operations using a Motorola handheld. Was happy to watch the Dutch test card (without sound) for hours.


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## non descript (Nov 18, 2005)

Vital Sparks said:


> I sailed with one master who ...happy to watch the Dutch test card (without sound) for hours.


I can think that *Jacqui Smith *might be wishing that her husband could be similarly easily entertained….

(EEK)


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## duquesa (Aug 31, 2006)

*Captain's idiosynchrosies*

(Thumb) (Jester)


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## Klaatu83 (Jan 22, 2009)

I was once on one of the pre-position ships at Diego Garcia, which had a single very-short-range television station. Every month we had to take the ship out and spend three days steaming around the atoll, just to prove that she was still able to do it. The Old Man left orders that he didn't care where we sailed her as long as we were back off the north end of the island by 11:00 so he wouldn't miss his daily installment of "General Hospital".


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## Pat McCardle (Jun 12, 2005)

Was happy to watch the Dutch test card (without sound) for hours.[/QUOTE]

I sailed with a C/E who done exactly the same(EEK)


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## Pat Kennedy (Apr 14, 2007)

We never had TV on any ship I was on.
However the captain's tiger on the Nestor told me that the previous captain, used to bring aboard in Liverpool, a large wooden box, which when opened, contained millions of maggots.
Every morning, the captain would spoon himself a quantity of maggots into a bowl, and pour cold milk on them.... and then eat them.
He called them 'gentles'
The box would be replenished in Adelaide or Melbourne for the homeward journey.
Pat


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## trotterdotpom (Apr 29, 2005)

How annoying for him when they turned into flies.

John T.


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## Naytikos (Oct 20, 2008)

I spent a couple of years on a very nice 80K dwt tanker mostly running around Europe/Med., but with a couple of trips to the Gulf. A relief Captain joined in Europoort and immediately after sailing had the crew paint arrows on the bulkhead at the top and bottom of every ladder around the superstructure, inside and out. The arrow at the top had to point downwards, with the word 'Down' stencilled beside it, and the one at the bottom..........you've guessed it!
His wife played chess with anyone who cared to oblige her; but she would only use the white pieces. He would only permit her to do it in his day-room, and so every evening there was competition to visit the Capt's quarters to drink his beer or wine whilst entertaining his wife!


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## billyboy (Jul 6, 2005)

Tonga said:


> I can think that *Jacqui Smith *might be wishing that her husband could be similarly easily entertained….
> 
> (EEK)



Ha ha! ... Nice one Tonga.


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## Shannoner (Feb 6, 2008)

Pat Kennedy said:


> We never had TV on any ship I was on.
> However the captain's tiger on the Nestor told me that the previous captain, used to bring aboard in Liverpool, a large wooden box, which when opened, contained millions of maggots.
> Every morning, the captain would spoon himself a quantity of maggots into a bowl, and pour cold milk on them.... and then eat them.
> He called them 'gentles'
> ...


Pat, I think you should have posted that one today, 01/04.(Jester) (Jester) 

Mick (Thumb)


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## ROBERT HENDERSON (Apr 11, 2008)

Tonga said:


> I can think that *Jacqui Smith *might be wishing that her husband could be similarly easily entertained….
> 
> (EEK)


Being very patriotic, while her husband watched Blue, Jaqui saw RED and Gordon Brown turned White.

Regards Robert


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## Vital Sparks (Sep 19, 2007)

A new crew member entering the captains office expecting only to sign on to the ships articles would discover both the Captain and his wife sat behind the desk. After signing on she would produce a tape measure and record the size of their head. She would then knit them a wooly bobble hat, usually delivered a few days later. All were expected to wear them.


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## trotterdotpom (Apr 29, 2005)

Classic, VS!

John T.


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## K urgess (Aug 14, 2006)

First one used to sit on the broadcast receiver in the radio room to keep his bum warm and lecture us on our morals. I was junior at the time. I also had to take my shoes off and not move my chair on late or afternoon watches because his bedroom was below.

Another one did white glove inspections on a Bankboat. Including the radio room. (EEK) He was another one who demanded silence at siesta time which was a pain in the South Pacific having to wear headphones and suffer the QRM.

Another decided that the radar tower was his job and spent all his spare time chipping and repainting it. It was a Mk4 girder type tower a bit like an oil derrick so it was a permanent job a bit like the Forth Bridge. Luckily the Mk4 had been replaced with a Raymarc so I didn't have to disturb him.

Another decided that he would trust me to do the secret coding exercise as long as I promised not to let the Mate know anything about it because he was Irish. He also showed me where the revolver was just in case I had to subdue the Mate. (EEK) The revolver was just a lump of rust in the bottom of the safe.

Another's favourite hobby was playing his violin in his cabin by himself at all sorts of strange hours. Would've helped if he was any good.

Another loved his fishing so much he streamed lines aft from the winches at number four hatch with a loop around the handle to automatically reel them in if he got a bite. We would also slow down for half an hour. Never caught anything but it used to fascinate the crew who used the hatch for prayers at about the same time. Saw a few straightened hooks but nothing for the dining table. That one lost his beanie hat crossing Biscay in a hooligan so I got my Mum to knit him a new one and the Fifth Engineer and I delivered it to him at home.

One whose favourite occupation in his spare time was fettling all the Panama leads on a supertanker.

The rest were kind enough to be reasonably normal and leave me alone except for the usual last minute, last watch messages that had to go immediately. One of those ended in tears and a visit to MIMCo head office after he refused to let me have any beer to drink after my last watch because he reckoned I wasn't a watchkeeper. Really, in that case, I suppose you could say the Chief Engineer was really the Captain.


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## Bill Greig (Jul 4, 2006)

We had one who used to go around everyone asking "any magazines?", I did not quite catch on to the types of magazines he was after offered a few copies of Practical Wireless I happened to have with me. Turned out it was mags of a more adult nature he was after, he then proceeded to destroy them all.


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## brewh (May 26, 2008)

The Export Freedom, Farrell Lines, New York, had a skipper
in the late 80s - early 90s who enjoyed listening to tapes of Hitler's speeches. He was American born and didn't speak German but apparently listening to Adolf's ranting filled a need of some sort . Possibily the fact that he was an absolute tee-totaler left him in need of a ''hobby''? 

I ran some traffic through Portishead one time and he went nuts, bellowing something about Dresden, WWII etc. and gave me a direct order to NOT use them while he was Capt etc. etc. other than that it was business as usual in the Radio Room. It was a good job, (container ship runnng from U.S. east coast to Med.), but after a year I piled off, time to move on as they say..


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## bryanm (Aug 23, 2008)

Sailed with many over the years. One used to fall asleep regularly in the officers bar wearing his empire built shorts and boxers with the result that his meat & two veg used to be on display to everyone. Another one used to race a motorbike around the boat deck until one day he crashed and took all the skin off one side of his face. Yet another whenever he was wearing a boiler suit would fart and pull it over his head to get the full aroma. Another of his things was to pick his nose and roll it in his fingers and then eat it.


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## Tai Pan (Mar 24, 2006)

On "Ulysses" the old man could not for the life of him open his safe.
I was called in, it was a bit awkward, however soon got the knack. the end result was always a G&T from his tiger


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## tedc (Dec 31, 2006)

Captain Evans, in Brocks, was not very tall at all.

What's more, he tended to have a big chip on his epaulette for anyone who was taller than him - or heavier!

(not difficult because he looked to be about 5 ft 5 and weigh very little! I seem to recall he had to stand on a box to look through the glass spinning thingee on the bridge!))

It was not unusual to find oneself being made to climb onto a set of scales, on the wing of the bridge, and/or be ordered to run round the deck a few times in order to keep fit.

I'd have a hell of a problem with him these days!!!!!

(Jester)


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## Bill Davies (Sep 5, 2007)

tedc said:


> *the glass spinning thingee on the bridge*
> (Jester)


There has got to be a part two to this one.


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## Pat Kennedy (Apr 14, 2007)

Bill Davies said:


> There has got to be a part two to this one.


.
Would it be the Kent clearview screen, reputedly invented by a Blue Funnel Master.
Pat


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## trucker (Oct 6, 2008)

*post 21*

*naturally(@) *


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## S Fraser (Apr 3, 2006)

tedc said:


> Captain Evans, in Brocks, was not very tall at all.
> 
> What's more, he tended to have a big chip on his epaulette for anyone who was taller than him - or heavier!
> 
> ...


There are a number of Brocks officers on this site who would remember "Tubby Evans". He used to have a grating that he would stand on, particularly to see over the dodger. Although he was short he had quite a stature as an individual.I sailed with him as an apprentice on the Maskeylia, and his trick when giving you a bollocking was to send you off the bridge, but as you were going down the bridge ladder he would call you back when you were half way down and you would have to turn around and look up to him as he stood at the head of the ladder and bawled you out. Clever guy!!
Stan


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